


Cold Sweat

by lxghtwoodsbow



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood & Catarina Loss Friendship, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Speaks Spanish, Angst, BAMF Catarina Loss, BAMF Magnus Bane, Blood Magic, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Curses, Good Friend Catarina Loss, Hurt Alec Lightwood, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Protective Magnus Bane, Stubborn Alec Lightwood, with a happy ending? that would spoil it now wouldn’t it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2020-08-14 17:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20195968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lxghtwoodsbow/pseuds/lxghtwoodsbow
Summary: "Cat," he croaked, slouched against the doorframe to support himself, "I think I need help."It was then that she noticed the black veins creeping up his forearms, stark against his pale, clammy skin."Oh Alec." she whispered, recognition obvious in her face.She'd hoped she'd never have to see a blood curse again.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first multi-chaptered story, which is a little daunting, but hopefully it's okay.
> 
> Firstly, Alec and Magnus aren't married in this, and honestly I'm not 100% sure where this fits into the timeline. I suppose it doesn't. Everything is sorta season 3-ish, since Alec and Cat are good friends, malec's relationship is well developed already, Alec is head of the Institute etc plus there is no Valentine or Jonathan, so we'd assume this is like after 2b.
> 
> Secondly, this is unbeta-ed, because I don't have one. I apologise in advance for any mistakes or anything, I type fast and sometimes I don't pick up mistakes when reading through. 
> 
> Thirdly, and kind of importantly, I have the story planned out and everything except the ships. Obviously Magnus and Alec are together, but I'm unsure whether to have Clace + Sizzy or Clizzy + Jimon or whatever. Honestly I like all ships so I'm not really bothered. So if you have an opinion maybe let me know? Idk.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a rescue and a recovery

Alec stumbled down the corridor, ignoring the warm flow of blood running from his thigh. If he slowed to heal himself, she would likely catch him again, which wouldn't exactly be ideal. Even if he had time to stop and activate his iratze, a quick glance at the wound told him it definitely reached the bone. A healing rune wouldn't do much good.

Closing his eyes tightly, the shadowhunter tried to drown out the voice which may or may not be a figment of his imagination - _probably blood loss_, Alec noted, _or dehydration._ To be quite honest, he wasn't sure how long they'd been in the goddamned house, and the residents weren't particularly hospitable. Not exactly five stars, he thought to himself, grimacing at the rather ugly gash decorating his flesh. Never again was he going to let Jace pick a mission.

The voice, real or not, was getting louder, ergo, closer, that much Alec was sure of. The words were musical, like they were singing a nursery rhyme, and sounded like she was calling his name. If he had the time, he'd probably regret informing her that his name was Alec, since it made the whole 'evil ancient warlock chases shadowhunter' scenario a whole lot more creepy.

_And where the hell was Jace?_

His parabatai, the lucky bastard, had spent most of their visit locked "below", as their captor had called it. Judging by the age of the building, he assumed that it was some sort of cells. Still, the warlock hadn't seemed remotely interested in the blonde, leaving him locked away to devise a less-than-reliable escape plan that had left Alec limping down this dark corridor with only a stele to his name and Jace who knows where.

Turning the corner, he crashed straight into another person, adorning stark black tattoos- no, runes, he corrected himself; he really needed medical attention if he couldn't even recognise the main shadowhunter staple. "Jace!" He gasped, staggering to cling on to him,  
"Alec, I told you to distract her," The blonde huffed, dragging them both to continue walking, "not to get yourself more bloodied up."

For a moment, Alec was entirely tempted to knock his brother unconscious and leave him there.

Although, he probably didn't stand much chance on his own, and well, Jace was his brother nonetheless, so he inhaled deeply and focused on trying not to get caught by the warlock that was chasing them.

"Did you find a way out?" Alec croaked, his voice all but screaming for water.  
"Yeah, but we need to wait for backup. I sent a fire message a few minutes ago. Here." With a tilt of his wrist, Jace lit up his brother's iratze and stamina runes. The older boy mumbled something that resembled a thank you, before giving up on trying to talk, the pain grasping in his throat intensifying.

The stamina rune, though helpful all things considered, was hardly enough to keep him on his feet much longer. Sleep deprivation certainly wasn't helping, and although that particular rune had kept him awake during some rather busy times at the Institute, it usually wasn't paired with dehydration, borderline torture, and some seriously nasty injuries.

His vision was blurring, but Alec was sure he had seen Jace's lips move, saying something he couldn't hear, before pulling him into a room. A bedroom, he observed, from the quilted mattress and wooden frame. Lurching backwards, he fell into the wall behind him, feeling a sharp pain in his torso. Grunting in discomfort, he brought a calloused hand up to his upper body. Bruised ribs perhaps, maybe fractured. Alec assumed he'd attributed those from being thrown into a closet earlier.

"-ec? Alec? Hey, can you hear me?" At some point, Jace had moved towards him, and had ended up waving his hand rather aggressively in front of his brother's face.  
"Mm? Yeah, I'm okay." Alec whispered, not trusting his voice to go any louder, standing up a little straighter.  
"Look, I don't think she saw us come in here but I'm pretty sure the trail of blood coming from your fucked up leg has given us away. Not blaming you or anything." Jace shrugged, grabbing his Seraph blade he had reclaimed from his belt.

Huffing, Alec found enough energy to roll his eyes.

Cold metal pressed into his palm brought his attention back, finding the hilt of his blade in his hand.  
"Try not to drop this and sever your foot off or anything. I'd rather you had something to defend yourself with but you don't look one-hundred-percent with it right now so," Jace turned back to the door, sparing him one more glance, "you know, try not to die."

Jace Herondale was many things, but a man of words he was not.

Although Alec would have loved to have come up with a witty remark, his line of thought was interrupted by a loud tumult outside the door. Voices, voices he definitely recognised echoed down the corridor, and then Jace was smiling. Whirling to face him again, the blonde raised an eyebrow, twisting the doorknob.  
"Cavalry's here."

Tightening the weak grip he had on the sword, Alec grasped at the wall, pushing himself towards the doorway. Blinking rapidly, he picked up the faces in the hall. Isabelle stood closest, in a skin-tight scarlet dress and black heels, brandishing her whip with a dark smirk on her bright red lips. Next was Clary, blade in hand - and his bow over her shoulder. He remembered dropping it when they were first ambushed, however many days ago. Two, probably, maybe three at a push, since he hadn't quite died of dehydration just yet. Simon was at her side, fangs bared, sword in hand.

A burst of crimson light brought his attention to the final figure, who seemed to be battling their captor head-on. Magnus threw flurries of magic into her chest, eyes a thrilling gold, burning with unspoken fury. And Alec wondered, not for the first time, how such rage could exude such infinite beauty. Perhaps now wasn't quite the time to be so distracted, but he might be forgiven considering the situation he was currently in.

"ALEC!"

It was Isabelle's voice that hit him first, before a bolt of green magic struck him hard, sending him flying backwards into the glass cabinet at the end of the hall.

He wasn't really sure what happened after that.

\--------

"And his leg?"  
"Almost completely healed. It will most likely scar, but I suppose there are worse outcomes."

Alec was immediately aware of the scatter of voices in the room, ears picking up snippets of hushed conversations. He could definitely hear Magnus and his sister in close proximity, Jace and Clary, Simon, maybe?

He should probably open his eyes and alert them to the fact he was awake, but his body felt like it had weights attached to it, so heavy and immobile. Even his eyes seemed glued shut. Alec had no idea how long he'd been out for, but his body definitely hadn't recovered yet.

It was almost as though he could feel the blood running hot through his veins. That was new. If someone asked him what he thought it would feel like to be cooked from the inside out, he imagined this would be the feeling, at least at the beginning. He wasn't in pain, more vague discomfort. Clearly his new acquaintance had done a number on him before they escaped, because he was fairly certain he'd lost a little of his sanity.

He'd be worried as to what the warlock had done to him if he wasn't sure Magnus would have noticed if he'd been possessed or anything nefarious.

Besides, everyone who helped get them the hell out of there seemed to still be here, wherever here was, so it probably hadn't been that long, and he was just recovering. He certainly didn't have the energy to worry.

Speaking of wherever he was, Alec could only assume he was either at the Institute or Magnus' apartment in Brooklyn. And since Alec had needed urgent care, he would assume Magnus would have just taken him home to heal him. Magic would be far more effective that Institute treatment, despite how good it was.

But he was just guessing.

Next, the shadowhunter moved to his injuries. He had heard Magnus say that he leg was pretty much healed, and he could confirm that due to the lack of pain he now felt from that general region. If his leg had been healed, then the other more minor wounds would have been easily cleared up. His throat, however, still burned like fire, desperate for water.

It was about then when Alec noticed the hand carding through his hair, a soothing attachment to the real world. Without it, Alec would have soon become pretty panicked at the idea of being trapped in his own mind, unable to wake up. And now he was fairly sure he wasn't locked in a form of coma, since he was completely aware bar his vision. Focusing on the sensation of the fingers running through his scalp, he could feel cool metal pressed against his skin at the same intervals as the hand movements. Rings.

Alec couldn't help but relax slightly at the knowledge his boyfriend was beside him, and the fact he could hear his siblings voices nearby, even Clary and Simon's. At least no one had gotten badly hurt rescuing them. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself for that.

Finally feeling a little at peace, Alec slipped back into unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> recovery and unexpected consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already had this chapter written when I posted the first one so I thought I wouldn't wait and just release it.
> 
> Good news though, this involves some malec fluff! Since this story is going to be quite angsty, I like to give some snippets of happiness so I don't drive myself to misery.

When Alec awoke again, it was much quieter. 

No one was speaking anymore, which was a little terrifying. The last thing he wanted was the be completely alone with his thoughts. They had never been pretty, and even now, his own mind wasn't exactly a place he wanted to be trapped in.

Alec figured they must have been sent home, probably by Magnus, to get some much-needed rest. He was thankful for that, the last thing he would want would be his family losing themselves with worry over him.

Still, it wasn't completely silent. Heavy, slow breaths could be heard beside him, accompanied by the weight of someone close to him on the bed. It was instantly recognisable, the pattern of breathing, the figure curled into him, well, it was to Alec at least. Magnus was clearly the only one in the room with him, since, well, as open as the pair were with their relationship, they wouldn't really find themselves wrapped up together in bed in front of Alec's family, not to mention the others.

He found himself relaxing again, tightening his arm around his boyfriend to hold him closer.

Oh. That was a movement. He had moved his arm.

Inhaling deeply, he slowly clenched and unclenched his fist, testing his ability to move. He was definitely better, not feeling nearly as weighty, which was a good sign. It was preferable to before, when he couldn't even twitch a finger. In fact, he could hardly feel a thing, no longer experiencing what it would be like to have tonne weights attached to him, which was unquestionably a positive.

Next, he needed to regain the ability to see, since the heaviness had seemingly applied to his eyelids. Grimacing, Alec wrenched open his eyes, breathing heavily in relief as light momentarily blinded him before settling, leaving him continuously blinking to try and focus on his surroundings.

He was in Magnus' apartment, in their bedroom, surrounded by gold sheets. In any other situation, he might have considered everything to be normal. This is how he started almost every morning, curled up with his boyfriend, and the familiarity of the scene make him smile a little. 

In fairness, looking at everything a little closer tore into the idea of a perfect morning. The man beside him looked exhausted, dark bags cupping his eyes and eyeliner smudged, wearing the same clothes Alec remembered seeing him in at the house. Of course, he had never noted Magnus looking anything but beautiful, because, well, he wasn't blind, but it was obvious that something was wrong. Then again, he imagined he looked a million times worse.

Looking down at his body, he found the silk sheets moved from his left leg, showing the thin, healed over cut where the gash used to be. Lifting his arm, he ran his calloused fingertips over the remains of the wound, not feeling any pain. He would have smiled, as always amazed by Magnus' incredible magic abilities, but was caught off guard by the tremble of his wrist.

Frowning, Alec lifted his hand, watching it shake in front of his face, before sitting up abruptly.

Splitting pain throbbed through his head, pulling a hiss of pain from him and sending his vision blurry. Both hands had automatically reached for his forehead, and he could now see that his other wrist was quivering also. _Dehydration_, he told himself, _dehydration and everything else had taken its toll on his body._

"Alexander?" A small voice brought his attention back, and Alec turned slightly to see Magnus with his eyes open, pupils wide with something that could either be concern or happiness at his awakening. "Hi." Alec tried to speak, but he barely made a sound, finally realising the extent of his thirst. His boyfriend shot up, a glass of water immediately appearing in his hand. "Here, darling. Drink." 

Bringing the rim of the cup up to Alec's mouth, he let him slowly sip at the liquid, unable to go any faster. With his free hand, Magnus carded his fingers through the shadowhunter's hair, breathing in an invisible sign of relief that Alec was awake. When the glass was empty, he placed it on the bedside table and turned back, eyes filled with questioning. "How are you feeling, love? Are you in any pain? Do you need more water? Something to eat? Have you slept-"

"Magnus!" Alec cut him off, his voice a little louder than before, a smile curving up his face, "I'm okay, I'm okay." He reached for the warlock, entwining their fingers, hoping the trembling in his hands would be stopped. "I'm fine, thanks to you." 

Magnus smiled shyly, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to Alec's chapped lips, and then lifting their connected fingers to press another kiss to the back of his hand. "I'm so glad you're okay. We- I was so worried when you didn't come home, and Jace wasn't here so I couldn't be sure you were even still alive. And then we got the fire message and we got there and I saw you get thrown and knocked unconscious and I saw your leg and I," he shifted closer, letting Alec pull him into his arms, "Jace said she hurt you, a lot more than him."

Sometimes, Alec wished Jace kept his mouth shut.

Signing, he rested his head on Magnus' shoulder, placing a light kiss to the crook of his neck. "She did. But I'm okay now."

A part of him wondered whether he should mention the shakes and the headaches, but something told him that it was simply the repercussions of everything that had gone on. And what's more, the last thing Alec wanted was for Magnus to worry any more than he already was. 

"I know you're not, but I'm going to let you say that for now." Magnus smiled a little sadly, pulling back to see his boyfriend's face, which had softened at his words. "I'm going to get you something to eat, and a tonic for your throat, and then you're going to rest. Lilith knows you need it." The warlock pecked his lips one more time before pushing Alec gently back down into the sheets and standing up, sending a flurry of magic over himself to neaten himself up and change his outfit, before leaving the room. 

\------

The sun was long set by the time Alec found himself waking up again. His sleep schedule was definitely ruined, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. Sleep was certainly what he needed right now. Glancing around, he observed that Magnus had turned off the main lights and left the dim lamps illuminating the room slightly, and left more water beside him on the table if he needed it, along with another tonic.

Body groaning in protest, Alec leaned across and picked up the glass, sipping gently. Next, he quickly downed the vial of whatever potion Magnus had magicked up for him, closing his eyes as the soreness in his throat subsided.

Why were his hands still shaking?

It was an odd sensation, being cold on the outside and feeling heat radiating from inside you. His blood felt as though it was burning, trying to bubble up through his skin, and it made him want to scratch his flesh away, free it from his body. 

Climbing to his feet, Alec willed himself to walk to the bathroom, hoping a shower would balance his temperature. A glance in the mirror told him how truly awful he really looked. Black bags cupped his hazel eyes, his lips were chapped and cut, his cheeks seemed a little hollow and his hair was a mess. Running a shaking hand over his tired face, Alec noticed the blood staining his fingernails, stark against his pale skin. 

A tilt of his wrist brought to his attention the daunting discolouration of his veins, now a jet back rather than their usual blue. The dark colour only ran from his hand to a few inches higher, but it appeared to be snaking its way up, and Alec was sure whatever was happening had not finished yet. Raising his other hand, he saw the same design curling its way up his forearm. This was new, he was sure they hadn't been there this morning, and of course the others would have noticed - it wasn't exactly subtle.

He had seen a lot of things as a shadowhunter, but this certainly wasn't one of them. He'd seen demon bites, possession, poisoning, body swaps, a hex or two, but 'scary black veins and lack of muscle control' was not on his résumé. Furthermore, he'd studied every form of threat to shadowhunters on the Clave records - part of his diplomacy and leadership major - and had no recollection of seeing any symptoms similar to this.

Simply put, he had absolutely no idea what in Raziel's name was happening to him.

"Shit." He mumbled, running cautious fingers over the veins. "Shit."


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little bit of normalcy, and things get worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to write this on my plane ride back home from my holiday, so forgive me if it's not that great, I hate planes.
> 
> You've probably noticed by now that I write Magnus and Alec to use pet names for one another, because I'm still kinda pissed all we got in the show was "pup". Therefore, I've decided it's canon that Magnus calls Alec 'love', 'darling' and 'angel' and Alec calls Magnus 'babe'. I don't take criticism.
> 
> I would apologise for the flood of malec fluff rather than solid plotline, but I know most of you really don't mind, and really it is kind of relevent to the plot, plus if I didn't have this stuff the story would be over in like 5 chapters so-

Alec spent the entirety of his shower staring at his forearms, as if hoping the black veins would simply disappear from his still-shaking wrists. Unfortunately, and unsurprisingly, they did not.

As he stepped out, he could feel his body quivering from the icy water; admittedly, bathing his already cold-to-touch skin in even colder water was not one of his finest ideas, but alas the apparent burning of his blood had not ceased. Wrapping the nearest towel around his waist, Alec glanced up again into the mirror, his face still pale, lips looking unnaturally dark in contrast. Still, logically that could be symptoms of his experience in the warlock's house, rather than whatever was currently happening to him.

Perhaps it wasn't the time for logic.

After fighting his knotted hair with a comb, he re-entered the bedroom, a slight stagger in his step, pulling out sweatpants and a jumper, ensuring that it would cover up to his wrist, and put them on.

Why was he acting as though he was going to hide this? Magnus could help, maybe, or maybe he couldn't, and all this would just worry him more. Hadn't his boyfriend been through enough? 

"Alexander, you're awake!" As if reading his mind, Magnus appeared in the doorway, casting his eyes over Alec's dressed form. "You should be resting." He tutted, a disapproving frown creasing between his eyebrows.   
"I know. But I couldn't anymore, so," Alec let a small smile tug at his lips, pulling his hands behind his back, letting himself step a little closer.

Magnus sighed, knowing how stubborn his shadowhunter was, and closed the gap between them, running his ringed hands over Alec's toned shoulders. "How are you feeling, my love?" He moved his right hand to cup his cheek, brows furrowing again. "You're so cold. Look, your hands are shaking." 

Panic struck Alec's body upon hearing the warlock's words, freezing up a little as Magnus ran his hands down his sleeves and to his trembling hands, entwining their fingers. 

_Tell him_, his conscience screamed, and Alec wanted to listen, especially when Magnus was looking at him like _that_, with such concern and love. Instead, he forced a smile which he hoped was reassuring, shaking his head a little. "I had a cold shower, that's all. And I think my body is still a little in shock from everything." 

Alec knew Magnus well enough to figure that he wasn't convinced, more so since he wasn't exactly an amazing liar. But who was to say he was lying? For all he knew, his cold, clammy skin was attributed to his less than ideal conditions he had endured. Of course, that certainly didn't explain the jet black threads that had replaced, or rather commandeered his veins. Besides, Alec wasn't a fool. He might not know what exactly was happening to him, but he was smart enough to figure that these symptoms were connected.

Telling Magnus of his condition seemed practical, but Alec had decided that this was his burden to bear. He needed to find a solution on his own, without adding to the weight on his boyfriend's shoulders. And he feared whatever he was experiencing would inevitably get worse, so he needed to act fast.

"Hmm, well, if you won't rest in bed, at least stay on the couch and warm up. But darling, if you feel any worse, you must tell me. Okay?"

Alec felt guilty in nodding.

With a soft smile, Magnus used their still connected hands to lead the shadowhunter into the lounge, pushing Alec softly down on the sofa before summoning several blankets from the cupboard. The thought was sweet, and Alec felt his chest bloom with warmth - and not the blood burning kind - at his boyfriend's want to take care of him. But knowing what he knew, the idea was almost laughable. 

Once they were settled together on the couch, Alec could feel the warlock sending pulses of warm magic through his fingertips, trying to bring some heat to his cool, pale skin. It wasn't the first time he had done this, Alec remembered particularly cold days in New York when ventures outdoors left him a shivering mess, though he protested otherwise. 

And yet, he knew that his skin would remain icy, and he guessed whatever was happening inside him was either trying to steer others in the opposite direction when figuring out what was wrong with him or this was his own body trying, but ultimately failing, to cool him down. Moreover, he assumed that Magnus had figured out, to some degree, that his magic wasn't working, since the frown Alec so despised seeing on the warlock's face had returned, and he had sat up a little further.

"Alec, do you feel cold?" He inquired, pressing a tanned hand to the shadowhunter's forehead, and Alec couldn't help feel a little patronised, despite knowing Magnus meant well. Of course his boyfriend would be worried, if it was Magnus who had gone missing for days and had been found bloodied up and severely wounded, only to be exuding strange symptoms upon being healed, Alec knew he would absolutely be losing his mind. Deep down, he knew that the only reason Magnus' care for him was irritating was because he was hiding how bad the situation was.

And if it was the other way around, Alec would of course want to know if Magnus was suffering, if something was really wrong, he would want - no, he would need to help. So why was he finding it so difficult to just tell him the truth? It was in no way out of doubt for Magnus' love for him, no, despite his insecurities Alec knew that the warlock adored him, but it was instead his knowledge of that love that convinced him to keep his mouth shut. The last thing he would ever want would be to cause Magnus distress or hurt.

"A little, yeah. Like I said, I'm probably still in shock." The lie tasted bitter on his tongue, as though burning up his throat, and it took all his strength not to grimace, not to mention the level of control he had to keep up to prevent a hiss escaping at his lips at the increasingly searing pain inside him. He thanked the angels he gained so much tolerance from shadowhunter training. 

Yet again, Magnus did not seem at all convinced. 

"Your body is rejecting my magic, that's never happened before. It trusts you, and you know my magic, you are the last person my spells shouldn't work on. I'd say that warlock did something to you, but I already checked. There was no sign of interference inside you. Do you remember her doing anything suspicious? I mean, like performing spells, bar the obvious or anything that would indicate potential harm being inflicted on your body other than physical wounds?" He spoke quickly, his expression a serious one, and Alec found himself shifting a little closer at his words, guilt pooling in his gut.

This, however, Alec could answer honestly. Since discovering the daunting colour change in his wrists, he had relived almost every second of his time in the unnamed warlock's residence, and nothing at all had seemed to hint at some malicious spell. That fact surprised him a lot, for a warlock she did very little magic, preferring a sharp silver knife to her typical weapon. 

"Honestly, no. She barely used her magic while I was there, except for simple things, and throwing me around a little during our escape. And I didn't sleep at all while I was there, so." Magnus nodded slowly as he spoke, frown deepening further. 

"I know you think I'm being ridiculous, but I'm just worried. You know I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something more happened to you on my watch, especially after everything." His chestnut eyes saddened, and Alec sank a little further into guilt.

"No, babe, I don't think you're being ridiculous at all. It's okay to worry, trust me, it's my permanent state." He interlaced their fingers, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

Magnus let out a smooth laugh, and Alec found his grin blooming further at the sound, crinkles appearing around his eyes. "Hmm, well, since you're ill-"  
"I'm not ill!"  
"What I was going to say was you get to pick what we watch, but if you disagree, we can continue with Project Runway."

For a second, Alec really hoped he was dying.

"No, please, I can't watch another episode of that. It's awful. Look, I am ill, see?" Alec pouted, pulling the blanket further around himself, enjoying the giggle it pulled from Magnus' lips, perhaps a little too much, as he couldn't help but lean forwards to steal a kiss.   
"Even your lips are freezing. I feel like I'm kissing a vampire." The warlock smiled, eyes still laced with concern, but didn't hesitate to pull him back in, shuffling forward onto Alec's lap. 

All things considered, making out with Magnus was probably not the most productive thing to be doing, but if he really was going to die, he'd really rather spend his limited time kissing his very lovely boyfriend. Said boyfriend seemed to agree, at least he thought, until Magnus was pulling away with an annoyed groan, placing his head on Alec's shoulder.   
"As much as I would love to continue this, you are in no condition to do so."  
"Oh, says who?"  
"Say me, you stubborn shadowhunter. You're supposed to be resting." Grabbing the TV remote, Magnus pressed it into Alec's palm, climbing off of his lap and snuggling into his side.

\------

Magnus was asleep long before the credits rolled, but Alec couldn't find it in himself to move and disturb the sleeping warlock, letting the rest of the movie play out with his boyfriend curled into his chest.

For a moment, he forgot the less-than-ideal situation at hand, simply focusing on the normalcy of the scene, and he found himself smiling, pressing a soft kiss to Magnus' hair.

Still, he should know by now that normalcy never lasts. Not in the shadow world, and certainly not in his life. He supposed the term 'normal' was relative, all depending on the person. To a mundane, he guessed that their definition of normal would be very different from his, since they probably wouldn't consider demon hunting a day-to-day activity. 

And that little bit of normalcy was, as usual, ruined. This time, however, it was by his head splitting in astounding agony, pain so intense that he couldn't even make a sound. Usually, someone who was extremely hurt would scream, cry out, yell, an inclination that they needed help. But there is a certain level of pain that when it is exceeded, the brain cannot focus on anything else, not even the basic human response to being in pain. Instead, his teeth gritted with a silent scream, which he was partly glad for, since Magnus stayed fast sleep. 

He needed to get out before he woke up his boyfriend, who for once seemed at peace in his arms. Shifting slowly, still blinking away the tears that had formed in his eyes, Alec slipped Magnus off of him, lowering him down onto the couch and pulling one of the quilts over him. Thanking the angel for his stealthy movements despite the circumstances, he stumbled out of the room. 

Finding himself in the bathroom, Alec rested on the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He was still pale, maybe paler, face glossed in sweat despite the coolness of his skin. With a trembling hand, he pulled up one of his sleeves, panic carving deeper into him as he saw that the darkness had trailed further up his forearm.

Alec let out a sob.

He couldn't remember the last time he had cried, but suddenly he found a tear burning down his cheek. Damn it, why was he so pathetic? God, he wouldn't have been able to get away with being so weak even when he was little, a kid in training. 

His sobs turned to chokes, and the white sink was splattered red with blood. Another glance in the mirror told him his lips were stained crimson, and soon he was coughing up more, the little colour left draining from his face. 

Turning on the faucet, he watched the sink clear, shakily wiping off his mouth.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clave records and finally accepting help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this instead of sleeping.
> 
> My writing seems a little weird in this chapter, and I can't figure why, but I apologize if it's not really up to standard.
> 
> I've noticed that a few of you are a little frustrated with Alec for keeping the curse to himself. While I get it - I'm literally writing this story and I'm annoyed with him - I think Alec has been raised in a way which teaches him to look after himself. To deal with issues and not be a burden to anyone else. If I'm writing Alec right, which I really hope I am, I imagine that it's really difficult for him to get out of this learned habit of shouldering all the issues himself.
> 
> You can kind of see in these chapters that Alec knows he should tell someone, but it's ingrained in him to do otherwise. And while it's understandably frustrating, we have the gift of foresight. We know it's going to get worse, otherwise we wouldn't have a story. Alec, however, doesn't know where this is going, and in his eyes, he may well be able to deal with it himself. 
> 
> I hope this kind of cleared it up, and I'm not boring you with my rambling.

Alec figured he couldn't keep this quiet much longer.

To be fair, he probably should have screamed for help when nefarious black veins invaded his arms, hell, even when he was only having shaking fits. He may be many things, but he wasn't an idiot. Well, that statement was questionable due to recent events, but he'd stand by it.

But coughing up blood? That was certainly a red flag that indicated a rather urgent situation. Nothing good ever came from hacking up blood, that was something a small child could tell you. Now unless he was suffering from a late-term case of Victorian influenza, this was another symptom of whatever spell that warlock had cast on him, meaning that time was running out. 

Alec knew that there probably wasn't many steps left after vomiting blood, and he figured the last stage was pretty obvious. But he wouldn't say it, because he wasn't going to let it go that far. Yet again, his conscience yelled at him to run to the next room and tell Magnus everything, because that would be obviously the best thing to do in this scenario, but he had promised that he was going to deal with this himself. Surely the Clave would have something on this mysterious illness locked away in their archives. Maybe he didn't have access to the information when he was merely a student, and now he was Head of the Institute he would be able to find it. 

And if they didn't? He guessed he didn't have many options left than to seek real help. Which he really should have done much sooner, but every instinct inside him that he'd nurtured during his years of training told him otherwise. That this was his burden and his burden alone. Perhaps it was time to retrain his instincts, but that was for later. Right now he needed to figure out what was really happening.

Cleaning himself up, he exhaled deeply and walked back into the lounge, where he found his boyfriend still fast asleep on the couch. A smile found itself creeping back onto his worn face at the sight, and decided against waking him. It made this easier anyway. Grabbing his notebook that he had left on the dining table, he scrawled a quick, but hopefully believable note for Magnus to read when he awoke.

Please don't panic, I've had to go to the Institute to deal with something really important. I'll be back as soon as I can. Love you,

Alec x

Tearing it out of the book, he left the paper on the table beside the warlock, so that he would find it almost immediately. 

Alec had figured out a long time ago he couldn't lie to save his life. It was a rather unfortunate discovery, as the ability to lie was incredibly useful, especially in his line of work. Still, he concluded that in order to get around this, he simply had to not lie. It sounded silly, but those who could make things up were specific, direct, they told people straight up what they wanted people to think. Alec simply had to manipulate the truth.

He was going to the Institute, and he was dealing with something really important. He was going to be back as soon as he could, and he absolutely and undoubtedly loved Magnus.

There was no specifics in the message, no excuse, nothing was straight up false. Alec got around not being able to lie by simply not lying.

Think of it this way. If Maryse called him and asked him what he was doing, and he was reading an erotic book, Alec probably wouldn't want to tell her that. Now, he could say something like "I'm tidying my room." Or "I'm baking cookies." But that would be a lie. And he really can't lie, so his mother would immediately know he was hiding something. But if he instead said "I'm reading," technically he wouldn't be lying. He was reading, albeit it the less than appropriate adventures of Christian Grey. 

Now if she asked what he was reading, he'd probably be screwed.

But that scenario was completely hypothetical, because he would never be caught dead reading that absolute garbage. 

Damn Clary Fairchild for explaining the plot of that cursed book.

Speaking of being screwed, Alec really would be if Magnus woke up right now, because he looked a right mess. He may have cleaned up the blood on his face, but his sleeves were still pulled up revealing the dark colour of his forearms, and he looked like he hadn't slept in two months. Luckily, the residents of his Institute were very used to him looking entirely sleep deprived, so he really didn't have to worry about that.

What he did have to worry about, however, was how he was getting to the Institute. Yes, he usually walked, or was portaled by Magnus if he offered, but he really didn't think he could make the walk without mundanes being suspicious. Though he could glamour himself, he had no idea where his stele had been moved to, probably kept at the Institute if Jace had taken it with him. 

Eyes searching around the room, he found his phone on charge, resting on a table. With a regretful sigh, he dialed Clary's number.

"Alec? Is that you?"  
"Who else would it be? Did you not look at who was calling you?" He huffed, already feeling entirely irritated.  
"Sorry, I just didn't know if you were up yet. I mean, Magnus called us all to say you were awake but he told us not to come around and to let you rest, at least for a day or two."  
"Well, I'm alive. You must be infuriated." Alec felt his lips twitch with a smile, hearing the red-head laugh down the line.  
"I'm just glad I won't have to hear Jace whine about you all the time. It's all we've heard for the last few days." 

Alec knew Jace was the clingy one. Now he had evidence. 

"I should think so. Look, I kind of need your help. I need to come into the Institute but I really don't think I'm up to the walk and Magnus is asleep and I really don't want to wake him. Would you mind making me a portal?"

\----

Perhaps Clary did have her uses.

She'd even disappeared to make him a very strong coffee, after remarking that he looked "quite literally dead" on his feet, which was a joking remark that had hit a little too close to home. 

Still, he was here, in the Institute library, trying to find any reference to the symptoms he was exuding. 

Hours had ticked past, and so far Alec had found nothing. He'd combed over 'Ancient Warlock Torture Techniques', 'Hexes Over the Centuries', volumes 1 through 6, which were, as anyone could guess, incredibly boring, and was currently reading up on 'The Uses of Snake Venom' which had seemed promising but had ended up being 300 pages of a snake enthusiast shadowhunter ranting about the wonders of, well, snakes. 

He wondered when these texts had last been updated.

If the whole situation wasn't tiresome enough, Alec could barely concentrate due to the incessant pounding of his head and the constant shaking of his hands when trying to turn the page. 

The database he now had access to wasn't much help either, and the closest the shadowhunter had gotten was veins that had glowed bright red due to exposure to some pretty dangerous vampire experiments, which had ended up burning up their angelic blood. The last bit seemed rather familiar, as he was reminded by the searing pain flowing through his body, but the rest didn't really match up. Obviously, the colouring was wrong, and he was pretty certain he hadn't been near any shady vampire work. 

"Here you go." Alec hadn't even heard Clary come in, which was undeniably concerning as a shadowhunter, but nevertheless he smiled gratefully as she placed down the steaming mug.  
"Thank you, Clary. I definitely need this."  
"You're welcome. Just, don't work yourself too hard, okay? You've been through a lot recently." She smiled a little, picking up one of her leather jackets she had left on the back of one of the seats and pulling it on. Alec remembered her mentioning something about going on patrol.  
"Don't go all soft on me now, Fray. Our mutual disdain for one another keeps the days interesting."

With an eye roll that could compete with his own, she left the room.

Five hours, and a phone call from a panicked and rather disapproving Magnus later, Alec gave up.

Yes, there were plenty more books to look through, but even if Alec was denying it he knew the writings inside and out. Nothing came close to what he was experiencing. Slamming the book on 'Warlock Abilities' shut with much more force than necessary, the shadowhunter got to his feet, feeling his fiery blood rush to his head and the manifestations of his mysterious illness flood back, his knees buckling and his weight sinking to the ground. 

He hadn't even noticed the layer of sweat over his body, despite the coldness of his skin, and Alec then knew that he couldn't do this alone. 

The first option was to call Magnus and tell him everything. Logically speaking, it had its pros, he would finally be telling the truth, he may well get the help he needs etc. The cons were still heavy, obviously, the warlock may not even have any idea what was wrong with him, plus he would be doing what he had been trying to avoid since this whole nightmare had started, and that was being a burden to his boyfriend.

Truth be told, Alec knew he needed a warlock. It had to be someone he knew, but he really couldn't bring himself to go to Magnus. If he didn't, Alec had to face it, he was almost certainly going to die. And he couldn't let that happen, for his sake and for the others. 

Climbing slowly to his feet, Alec grabbed his newly reclaimed stele and glamoured himself, along with drawing nourishment and stamina runes, hoping this was the right choice. If it wasn't, then he really didn't have much left to do.

\------

With a trembling hand, he reached to knock on the door, praying that she was in to answer. After a few moments, he could hear footsteps coming towards the wood that stood between them, and he struggled to stay on his feet while waiting. 

The door opened, and the familiar face of the warlock appeared behind it, smile instantly dropping as she saw him.

"Cat," he croaked, slouched against the doorframe to support himself, "I think I need help."

It was then that she noticed the black veins creeping up his forearms, stark against his pale, clammy skin.

"Oh Alec." she whispered, recognition obvious in her face. 

She'd hoped she'd never have to see a blood curse again.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the truth of blood curses and maintaining lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> So I'm still very jetlagged, which explains the break in posts, but honestly this is really what the posting schedule will be like when summer is over anyway so I guess it's fine.
> 
> This chapter has a lot, and I mean a LOT of dialogue, which I usually hate doing, but it really is important for the story, as you really get a real explanation of what's happening to Alec. 
> 
> I also use some biological terms in this, and I'm really sorry to any actual biologists out there if I got anything wrong, I based this on my own knowledge since I study it-
> 
> *SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING*
> 
> I mention Alec's habit of digging his nails into his hands in this chapter. I know this could be triggering to some people, so please be careful!

Alec found himself deposited on the chair in the apothecary, and if he wasn't so out of it he would have seen Catarina torn between hunting through her bookshelves and grabbing potion ingredients, all while sending very disapproving glances in his direction. After picking out a heavy, extremely old-looking volume and throwing it down on the table, she knelt in front of him, bringing his attention back to the room.

"Shirt off." She spoke in a voice he would assume was the one she used at the hospital, firm, but not unkind, and Alec found his hands moving to the hem of his top, pulling it off as his muscles screamed in protest. During his time at the Institute, the discolouration had extended, now up to his elbows, covering the entirety of his forearms, and he was sure he heard Catarina let out a low exhale at the sight.

Pressing a palm to his forehead and cheeks, the crease between her brow deepened, but the rest of her face remained neutral. Alec guessed it was another nurse technique, to keep her patient's panic low, and he'd like to say it was working, but it really wasn't. To be quite honest, he'd been in a state of deep-set panic since he'd woken up not two days ago, so Catarina's reaction probably wasn't going to change that. 

"-lec? Alec, are you with me?" He really had to stop doing that, drifting off into his own thoughts, but alas he didn't have much control over it.  
"Yeah, I'm here."   
"Good. Do you feel hot?" She questioned, in a way that led Alec to believe she already knew the answer, and if he was correct in assuming that she already knew what was wrong with him, he'd probably be right. Although he instinctively wanted to shake his head and deny it, the shadowhunter had come here for help, and he'd be most likely to get it if just for once he was truthful.  
"I feel like I'm burning from the inside out." He whispered, eyes finally shifting to meet hers, who looked back at him with pity. Nodding a little, she rocked back on her heels, before climbing to her feet, turning back to the wooden table and picking up a glass bottle, uncapping it quickly.   
"That's what I thought. You're cold to touch, but you're sweating. It matches up with the typical symptoms." 

Running a finger down the yellowed page of the book she had open, seemingly reading a list, she tipped a red liquid into the crock, before waving a hand to ignite flames beneath it. Next, she reached up to her ingredient shelf, grabbing a box filled with golden vials, all labelled, and Alec recognised her looking handwriting on each one. Searching through them quickly, she pulled out one and spun back around to face him.  
"Headaches?" She offered the bottle to him, which he took gratefully.  
"All the time." He muttered, before smiling weakly. "Thank you."  
"It should help with the pain. Take it all."

With a slight nod, Alec raised a trembling hand up to remove the stopper, before tipping the contents into his mouth. It was bitter, and he almost grimaced, but the relief instantly spreading through his head completely distracted him. By the time he looked up again, Cat had returned behind her desk, adding a sparkling powder to whatever she was making, deep concentration on her face, her front teeth biting on her bottom lip.

"Cat?" Her head snapped up, and Alec thought for a second he could see her eyes glazed over with something, that if he wasn't half out of it, he would have sworn were tears."You know what's happening to me, don't you? Please, I feel like I'm losing my mind." The shadowhunter was aware how broken his voice sounded, and clearly Cat had noticed too, as she stopped what she was doing and grabbed the chair next to her, pulling it beside him, and picking up the leather-bound book.

"We call it a blood curse. Vampires call it the final spell. It's a form of very old, complex and very powerful magic. Our name for it probably explains what it is a little better. To put it simply, a spell has been put on your blood. A spell that takes incredible amounts of power to perform." She turned the page of the book to show a diagram depicting a man with black veins reaching from wrists up to his heart. Alec frowned, glancing down at his own arms. "The discolouration you're seeing is sort of like the spell taking a hold of your veins, taking the life out of them. The longer the blood is pumped around your body, the worse it will get. Once it reaches your heart, it will stop beating." 

Alec wished he could say that he was surprised, but truly he wasn't. It came at no shock to him that this curse would eventually kill him. 

"The final spell." He whispered, the realisation dawning on him.

"The last one you'll ever experience." Catarina replied, eyes cast on the ground. "Or at least that's the meaning of it. It can be performed on anyone, shadowhunter, warlock, vampire, seelie, werewolf. But that doesn't mean it's commonly used. Like I said, it takes extremely powerful magic to do, and it's not like you would curse just anyone. It is an extremely cruel form of torture that is supposed to result in death. You would truly have to hate someone, never mind having the power to perform it. Which leads me to wonder, why would anyone do that to you?" 

Alec had wondered it himself. Sure, there were plenty of people who hated him, especially since his coming out, relationship with a downworlder and changes he was implementing to the Clave under his command of the Institute. But they wouldn't be able to do this. Nor would they risk it. He was obviously no expert in this whole blood curse thing, but he could guess that participating in the murder of a shadowhunter was grounds for banishment or execution. The only person who had the opportunity was the warlock who's residence him and Jace had ended up trapped in. He had no idea if she was powerful enough, since he'd barely seen her use magic, but perhaps that indicated she was reserving it for a much more difficult spell.

"There are people who would probably wish something like this on me, I can promise you that, but the only person I can think of who could have done it is the nameless warlock who had me and Jace. The symptoms started showing up just after that. But, I never saw her doing any crazy spells or even perform anything other than a flick of a wrist. Wouldn't I have noticed?"

"Actually, no. It doesn't need to be done while the person is present. I said the spell was difficult and complex, not the preparation. In fact, all you need is a sample of blood, bar a couple of other items. You can then do the spell anytime you like. I wouldn't even know where to start looking for it, so few people have access to the written copy of the spell, and honestly, it would kill me to even try to perform it."

Of course, Alec remembered the cuts that had littered his body. It had confused him why she had used a knife to hurt him and not her own magic. 

"She used this silver blade to cut me. I suppose she didn't need so much blood but I guess it wasn't just for the spell." While he spoke, Cat shuffled through the pages of the book, eyes flicking back up to him as he spoke.  
"Did the knife look like this?" She held up a page with a drawing of an intricately designed knife, identical to the one he had remembered seeing. With a nod, she stood back up to pay attention to what she was preparing, stirring while studying the shadowhunter's face.

"That's what I thought. The warlocks that perform these kind of curses are usually very traditional, and treat the spells as a sort of ritual." The potion sparked as she added a root, blowing her hair slightly. "I've seen only one case of a blood curse before, and they used the same blade. An old friend, and she was young too. A warlock, like me. She'd killed another warlock who had been torturing mundanes. Unfortunately, his father turned out to be Amaymon, a prince of Hell, who did not take kindly to his favourite son's death."

He had noticed how sad his friend now looked, and it clicked in his head. "She died, didn't she?" 

Alec didn't need an answer when she didn't respond, and exhaled deeply.

"But that isn't going to happen to you, Lightwood. I won't allow Magnus to go through that. And I guarantee you don't want that for him or your family either." Her eyes burned brightly with what could be anger, or fierce determination, and he found himself nodding a little. "Speaking of, I'm assuming by your appearance here that no one else knows. Am I correct?"

He nodded again, almost ashamed.

"You fool. You damn fool. Time is of the essence, and you wasted your time hiding it from the people who could help, who would want to know." What hurt most about her words was that she was not shouting, her voice not even raised, but instead she spoke firmly with such honest disappointment and worst of all, truth. He knew.

Running a shaking hand through his hair, Alec looked up at her with wide eyes. "I know, Cat. You think I don't? I just- everyone had been through enough with what happened to Jace and I, and I just thought I would save everyone the worry if I could deal with this myself."  
"Save everyone the worry? Alec, they love you. I may not know your family that well but I know Magnus. I've known him for a very long time. And I can tell how much he adores you. If anything happened to you, he would be completely distraught, and you know it. Magnus could have helped, we would have had more time!"  
"I tried, I looked at pretty much everything the Clave had-"  
"The Clave doesn't know anything about this, trust me. The only way we could find some way out of this is at the Spiral Labyrinth. Back when- the last time I saw the curse, we could find nothing to cure her. But times have changed. There might be a way, but we don't have much time. This potion," she looked back down at the crock, the contents of which were a deep red, "will subdue the symptoms, for a while. It will cover the discolouration in your arms, and stop the shaking and sweating, but it will not stop the progression of the spell. And eventually, the body's survival instincts will take over and render it useless. But it will help, for the first part of the curse. The black veins seem to be moving fast now, but they will slow as the need to survive increases and the body fights harder. Right now, all it is doing it vasodilation, in basic terms it's the expanding of blood vessels to direct blood away from the surface to cool the skin, to battle overheating. Later, your body will be healing the arteries, veins etc. at a faster rate. What I'm saying is, I'd give you a week. Which isn't a lot of time, which is why you should have said something the moment you noticed something was wrong."

With a tormented sigh, Alec looked down at his hands, watching his nails pull at the skin, leaving them and angry red. An old habit that he had not yet learned from, but a slight comfort. 

Catarina waved her hands, a flurry of magic transferring the potion to several empty glass vials, before resuming her chair beside the shadowhunter. "Take some whenever you feel the symptoms returning. But like I said, eventually it won't have any effect. This potion was designed when there was no known cure for a blood curse, and was made to lessen the pain for a while, to make things easier. But things- well I hope they are different. Now, I need to send Magnus a fire message-"  
"No." Alec grabbed her wrist, not enough to hurt, before quickly retracting his hand with a gentle apology. "Please, could you just not? Just while you look for a cure? I don't want him to, you know,"  
"Worry?" She narrowed her eyes, anger evident. "Alec, you're asking me to lie to my best friend. I promised a long time ago I would never do that."

Alec, not for the first time, felt like not only a terrible boyfriend, but a terrible person. How long could he keep this up? He told himself, after everything with the Soul Sword, that he would never lie like that to Magnus again, and yet here he was, hiding something so very important from him. Was it so difficult to just tell him? Evidently so, as he had just asked Catarina, who was far more his boyfriend's friend than his own, to lie on his behalf.

Speaking of, Cat could clearly see the distress on the man's face, and bit her lip, conflict obvious on her face. "You stupid, selfless shadowhunter. When will you allow people to care for you?"  
"Probably never." Alec offered a sad smile, and it was in that moment that the warlock truly got the extent of his mentality.

It was clear that Alec believed he was not worthy of concern from others, nor comfort, and he really didn't want to cause other people distress or hurt, especially not the people he loved. Cat blamed a shadowhunter's upbringing for that, the forced independence from such a young age, being told to care for oneself and to be the saviour, not the one being saved. Alec Lightwood truly thought he was not worth it. Although she had seen him truly improve, both in person and from Magnus, who had told her how broken and closed off Alec had been when they first met, she knew that his beliefs remained ingrained, and probably always would be. A scar from his past.

"Alec." His head lifted at her voice, which was soft. "I won't lie to him. If he asks, I will tell him. If he raises concerns, I will tell him. And when my potions stop working, you will certainly have to, I assure you. For now, though," She stood up, gathering the vials and placing them into a leather satchel, "these are for you. I will head to the Spiral Labyrinth as soon as I organise a place to stay for Madzie. But please, please tell him, Alec. You will regret it if you don't, I'm fairly sure."

"I know." He whispered, taking the bag. 


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> concerned sisters and concerning demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It took me far too long to find the inspo to finish this chapter, but here we are. 
> 
> The random other plot introduced in this chapter is not that important, it's really there to move the main plot along.
> 
> There's a little bit of Spanish in this chapter, it's very simple since I only speak limited Spanish but here's the translations:
> 
> Te amo, hermano - I love you, brother  
Yo también te quiero - I love you too
> 
> I promise stuff really goes down next chapter, so have patience!

Catarina's potion, whatever it was, worked incredibly. He felt perfectly normal, or as close to normal as he could be knowing that a mysterious curse in his blood was slowly killing him. Three days had passed since his visit to Cat's, and he had heard nothing from her so far. He was even back at work, finally convincing Magnus he was fine enough to simply sit in a room and fill out papers.

"If all you're going to be doing is paperwork, I don't see why you're so eager to go back, Alexander." Magnus had whined, curling into his side. "I'd feel much better if you were here with me, just for a little longer." If Alec wasn't so desperate to get his mind off of things, he would have totally been convinced purely by the adorable pout on his boyfriend's face, which he had been unable to resist kissing away. Staying at the apartment sounded lovely in concept, but he really couldn't sit there, thoughts filled with what Cat was doing, if she had found anything useful.

A part of him was terrified that she really wasn't going to find anything to help him, and with time really running out, not being able to see what was happening to him wasn't calming his nerves. He still had the knowledge that the spell was spreading, and that was enough.

A week. That's how long she had given him. And three days had gone so quickly. Worse, Magnus still didn't know, nor Izzy and Jace. Alec had promised himself that if Cat hadn't found a solution before the fourth day, he would finally let them know. He knew that once he told them, he was in deep. Of course they would be angry, and scared, fuck, he was terrified enough himself, he couldn't even imagine what it would be like for them.

That was the thing. People might assume that Alec thought they shouldn't care, and that's why he wasn't telling them. But that wasn't the case at all. Alec knew that they loved him, so much, and he knew that he would feel furious and frightened if this was happening to one of them. He also knew that they of course would, and absolutely do care, because they were his family. It had never been a denial of the fact. Alec knew his worth, though he struggled to accept it sometimes.

But old habits die hard.

And for Alec Lightwood, they died kicking and screaming. No matter how much things improved, no matter how much Magnus showed him he was worth it, or how many ranks he climbed in the Clave, Alec would couldn't help but find himself closing off sometimes. Doubt plagued him, and always would, like scars etched into his mind.

To be fair, if Catarina really didn't find a cure, he'd probably be dead long before the curse reached his heart, once they found out. Isabelle would probably strangle him, Magnus would most certainly hex him further and Jace would beat him to oblivion. Hell, even Clary would attack him like a vicious chihuahua. Granted, they likely didn't really want him to die, but his family were passionate people, and most of them had a particularly short temper. For the first time in what felt like forever, Alec found himself letting out a genuine chuckle into his paperwork, feeling glad his office door was shut so no one would walk past and see him giggling to himself. 

Ok, he'd probably just be shouted at, a lot. And he knew he completely deserved it. Still, by that point his head would be pounding, and listening to at least three people screaming at him wouldn't be helpful.

Damn it, Cat was right. He completely and utterly regretted this. Perhaps he might not lose his life, but he may well lose his boyfriend, and his siblings - at least for a while, they were family after all, it wouldn't last forever. 

Reaching into his top drawer, Alec pulled out a vial of the potion, which was currently half empty. He had another next to it, one in his bedroom and a couple in his coat pocket. Honestly, he doubted he'd need all of them in four days, not to mention the fact that they would lose their effect long before his death. Catarina hadn't specified exactly how long the potion would work for, and he feared it wasn't much longer. Imagining how he'd look without the magical tonic was a little terrifying, long black veins probably covering most of his arms by now, icy cold skin, still pasted with sweat, trembling limbs and occasionally blood running from his lips. It was very morbid, admittedly, but alas it was very real. 

With his wrist slightly twitching, and the heat of his body noticeably increasing, Alec swigged from the bottle, grimacing at the bitter flavour, which he still wasn't used to. It would be a little strange if he was indeed used to a blood curse potion, as it would indicate that he was acclimated to having blood curses. Which, of course, he wasn't.

"Alec." The door was flung open, revealing the raven-haired Lightwood, heels clicking on the wooden floor.   
"Isabelle, do you have the report I asked for?" She nodded, handing over the thick stack of paper in her hand, before flinging herself down with a surprising amount of grace into the chair opposite, perfectly arched brows slightly furrowed and teeth biting into her bottom lip.  
"Thank you." With a smile, he placed the file beside him, leaning back into the leather of his seat. "Now, tell me what's wrong."

Brown eyes flicked upwards in something that could be surprise, or perhaps instead it was expectation. They knew each other well enough. A soft smile curled onto her red lips as she crossed one leg over the other. "I was just wondering how you were doing. It hasn't even been five days since everything and you're already throwing yourself back into work. That is a typical red flag for you. You're distracting yourself."  
"Distracting myself? Iz, I'm just trying to do my job. I can't afford to spend a day sitting around doing nothing. I'm fine."

He loved his sister, more than anything. And he knew better than anyone how smart she was, smarter than him, that was for sure, and her intellect was far superior to anyone in the Institute. But sometimes, he wished she wasn't so damn clever. She could read people like a book, him especially.  
"Come on Alec, I know you. You're stiff, stiffer than usual. You haven't pushed at all to be cleared for field duty, which has never happened before. Remember when you got mauled by that Kuri demon and poisoned? You demanded to get back on mission not two days after. The nurse nearly had a heart attack." He huffed a laugh, rolling his eyes.  
"Te amo, hermano. I just want what's best for you." She whispered, chestnut eyes baring into his.  
"Yo también te quiero." Alec replied softly, picking up his pen. "I really need to finish this."

Isabelle sighed, climbing to her feet and walking around the table. "Alec, if something is wrong, you can tell me."

Why was tomorrow any better than today? As much as he'd love to tell himself that Catarina would find some vital information in the next 24 hours, truth be told it really wasn't likely. He couldn't lie anymore, not to his sister, nor his boyfriend and parabatai. 

Sighing, Alec raised his head to meet her eyes. "Isabelle, I-"

"Demon outbreak, two dozen sighted in Queens." Clary stood in the door frame, Jace on her heels as the alarm began to blare out. Quickly jumping to his feet, Alec crossed the room, Isabelle following behind, conversation forgotten.  
"Any more intel?" He questioned, hurrying into the control room where several of his shadowhunters were clipping on their weapon holders.  
"We think a rift has been purposefully opened. It has all the signs of an intentional tear in The Void." Jace answered, grabbing two Seraph Blades and sliding one into his thigh holster. 

The front doors were flung open as Magnus strolled into the Institute, not lacking in his usual grace.   
"How did you-"   
"Biscuit called me straight away." The warlock cut off his boyfriend with a smile, which blossomed further at Alec's frown of slight annoyance.  
"Who's in charge around here?" He glared at the red-head, but the corners of his mouth were ever so slightly turned up. She shrugged playfully, turning back to Magnus. "Can you seal it?"  
"Probably, yes. But tearing a rift in the void isn't exactly easy, which leads me to wonder who opened it in the first place?"

It was a very valid question, one that Alec certainly didn't have an answer for. He reached for one of his bows on the rack, but was stopped by a slender hand on his arm. "No." Isabelle said pointedly, "You're not cleared." Looking around to see everyone ready, she closed the weapons rack. 

"Isabelle. This is important, I can't just stay here."  
"I don't care, Alec. And I'm sure the others would agree. You might get hurt. We have to go, before any mundanes get hurt. Just, try to figure out who's behind this." 

Anger burned heavily in his stomach, but he couldn't deny that she was right. Although she didn't know the details, it was true that in his current state, fighting demons was a completely terrible idea.

"Fine, whatever. I suppose you're in charge. Update me if anything happens." He bit, storming out of the room back towards his office. Although he could hear his sister's voice calling him, he carried on walking, slamming the door shut behind him. It wasn't like him to get angry at his siblings, but for some reason he really couldn't help it. Bitterness seemed to have overtaken his body, leaving his words cold. Isabelle had done nothing wrong except follow protocol and look out for him. It was something he had noticed over the past few days, the scathing responses to simple questions, the sudden bursts of unreasonable anger. 

He wasn't stupid enough not to know the cause.

"Fucking blood curse." He growled, sitting back down at his desk and letting his head fall into his hands. 

\----

An hour, and less work done than he would have liked later, Alec definitely felt better. Unfortunately, he had heard nothing from the team facing the demons, which included his siblings and Magnus, leaving him entirely unnerved, and completely and utterly useless. 

After finally deciding to take a much-needed break to clear his head, the shadowhunter dropped his pen and closed the booklet he was currently trying - and definitely failing - to read through. 

A part of him was tempted to call Cat, and just simply ask if she had found anything, anything at all. But he knew well enough that if she had something, she would have told him. It was foolish to set himself up for disappointment like that. 

"Knock knock." Alec turned to see his boyfriend in the doorway, face slightly dirty and clothes a little worse for wear. More noticeably, a gash on the side of his forehead had dripped blood a little down the side of his face.   
"Magnus! You're hurt." He gasped, climbing to his feet, hurrying over to the warlock and cupping his face, carefully examining the cut,   
"I am? Oh, I forgot." Magnus hummed, sending a flurry of magic over himself, and Alec watched as the wound carefully closed up and the blood cleared itself. "The rift is closed. We didn't find anything to indicate who did this, except a magic trace that I can't identify. Biscuit and the others are looking into it right now."

Alec nodded slowly, but noticed Magnus watching him with quizzical eyes.   
"Is everything okay? The shadowhunter questioned, a deep frown etching into his face.  
"I was going to ask you the same thing." He replied with a chuckle, "I heard what you said to Isabelle before. I don't mean to make you feel bad, I just haven't seen you speak like that to her before." Alec's face flushed with shame, and his gaze dropped to the floor. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry, I wasn't bringing it up to make you feel guilty, I understand that you were frustrated that you aren't cleared to help us on mission. It was just - she seemed upset and you did too. It isn't like you." Magnus ran his hands over his boyfriend's shoulders.  
"No, I shouldn't have spoken to her like that, you don't have to justify my actions, Magnus. I was just being unreasonable, I'm fine." 

His hands were shaking again. 

That was definitely strange, since he'd only taken the potion just over an hour ago. Usually he needed a dose every six hours or so, and since the symptoms were already returning he guessed that the tonic was starting to lose its effect. 

"Right." Magnus replied, no hint of sarcasm in his voice, instead a strange dullness, quieter than usual, almost soft. Brown eyes seemed to be studying him hard, and for a moment Alec was convinced the warlock could see right through him. Whether or not that was true, he would not find out, as a rather tired looking Isabelle appeared in the doorway, hair significantly more tousled than he remembered.  
"We think we have a lead. Warlock from New Jersey, definitely powerful enough, the nearest cameras picked him up just before the rift was opened. And then again a minute after. He walked back the same way he came. I checked, and well, he doesn't exactly have the best reputation with the Clave." She raised an eyebrow, but Magnus frowned a little, turning away from Alec and towards her.  
"Neither do I, but I don't go round opening rifts in The Void." He smiled wryly, and Alec felt his lips twitch with a smile, before leaning back on the edge of his desk. "I'd need to confirm his energy signature before you go around arresting people. We'll need to find a warlock who knows his magic." She nodded, biting her crimson lip.

"Possible motive?" Isabelle looked a little saddened at the question.  
"Actually, yes. His wife was murdered, about a month ago. By a mundane." Alec exhaled at her words, closing his eyes briefly. "They haven't actually arrested anyone or anything, but the current suspect lived on the same street as where the rift was opened."

There was over 8 million people living in New York. Over 6,000 miles of roads, if Alec remembered correctly. It would be an extraordinary coincidence.

"Warlocks are immortal." Magnus sighed, "very few engage in something as binding as marriage. It is often viewed as tethering, though I've never understood that sentiment. If he married, well, he must have loved her incredibly. And love mixed with anger can be deadly, believe me."

Alec nodded slightly, standing up straighter, clasping his hands tightly behind his back, hoping to stop the shaking. "Right, we have a theory, now we need to test it. Magnus, would you?"  
"Of course. Are you coming?"  
"Give me a minute. I'll be right there." He gave a smile, a little weaker than he would have liked, and Magnus certainly didn't seem convinced.  
"Hmm. I- When you're ready, love." He turned and left, Isabelle on his heels, sending a concerned glance in her brother's direction.

Letting out a puff of air, he ran a heavy hand over his face, tightening his fist as it quivered. Quickly, Alec reached into his drawer, pulling out a vial and downing the contents.

The shaking didn't stop.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the lies end, of their own accord

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, long time no see. Sorry for the unintended hiatus, I've been so busy and this took me so long to write.
> 
> **Please go back and read the last chapter again, I've changed the ending**
> 
> So the reason for this is part of why it took me so long to post this chapter. I was reading over the previous part and the ending didn't really seem right at all. I knew I had to get from A to B - A being Alec and Magnus talking in the office and B being Alec being alone to take the potion, but the way I did it seemed, to put it quite simply, lazy. It was out of character and just not right. 
> 
> It was also to do with a comment I got that reminded me of an aspect of the story I have yet to write. It made me realise that I had not been portraying one character as perfect as I'd like to make sense to this later aspect of the story (I'm talking about Magnus here) and felt the need to change it just a little. 
> 
> Honestly, the change isn't really that important, but this part won't make nearly as much sense if you don't reread it. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy, and please don't kill me.

Alec had no idea how long he had until the potion wore off in its entirety, but honestly he was feeling worse by the second. He already felt clammy, and the burning under his skin was dull, but definitely there.

He supposed he had no option but to tell the others, as he had still heard nothing from Cat and it probably wouldn't he long until he was on the verge of collapse again. Not to mention the fact that his condition would definitely be far worse than it was three days ago.

But right now, he had a job to do; protecting mundanes. He was Head of the Institute, and this was major issue that needed to be dealt with. Once Magnus had identified the magic signature and they had the warlock in custody, which probably wouldn't take more than a few hours if they were lucky, he'd deal with his own problems.

Inhaling deeply, and tightening his grip on his hands behind his back, Alec strode into the control room, where Isabelle, Clary and Jace were reselecting weapons. It seemed only the three of them would be accompanying Magnus back to the site of the tear in The Void, as the demons had been sent back to the other side of the rift. Honestly, Alec felt awful that he wasn't cleared, they all looked exhausted, this was their second trip out in the space of a few hours.

Isabelle saw him first, and gave a small smile. It was hesitant, like she wasn't sure whether or not he'd start snapping at her again, and Alec felt guilt pool in his stomach. He let his lips twitch into a matching but apologetic simper. Her shoulders immediately relaxed, sensing that the hostility between the two of them had dissipated and placed down her blade as her brother walked over and pulled her into his side. Alec could see the others watch them with fond eyes, but some of the looks seemed laced with something else, something he couldn't quite grasp.

"Be careful, all of you. Our suspect may still be nearby, so don't do anything reckless." He stared pointedly in his parabatai's direction, who looked back at him like he had been mortally offended.  
"Me, reckless? Never." Jace gasped, but let his face slip into a smirk, rolling his eyes as everyone turned to him with raised brows.  
"Of course, if there's anything Jace Herondale is known for it's his careful evaluation and planning." Alec shot back, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Now go on, I've got work to do."

They all grinned, Isabelle and Jace slipping their Seraph Blades into their holsters and Clary closing the weapons rack.  
"Alright, shadowhunters, our warlock is meeting us there, let's leave the boss to his important job, hmm?" Magnus smirked, turning on his heel and sending cerulean clouds of magic from his hands to form a portal. With a huffed laugh, Alec grinned in his boyfriend's direction as the warlock winked and waltzed through the portal, but the worried glance he sent back as he went didn't go amiss.

Chewing on his bottom lip, he closed his eyes and exhaled as a flick of red hair signalled him being alone. Pain bloomed in his chest, sharp and heavy, and his skin crawled, blisteringly hot under his flesh. Tightening his hands into fists, Alec dragged his feet across the floor down the labyrinth of corridors. All but stumbling towards his bedroom, he slammed the door, barely finding the energy to remain standing. Thank the Angel he was more than an expert at masking his pain.

Somehow, the shadowhunter ended up dialing Cat, rambling pleas for her to pick up the phone.

She didn't.

Was there some kind of no phones rule in the Spiral Labyrinth, like a library? He doubted it, but the thought of Catarina having her phone confiscated by an angry looking librarian did quite amuse him.

Alec was a soldier. He'd been in training since he could hold a sword. Assessing injuries was something that came so naturally, that even now, when he was lent against his door on the verge of losing consciousness, he found himself identifying everything he felt.

Splitting pain in his head, and not the headache kind, agonising in comparison. Chest pains, like bricks had been stacked on top of him, pressing down on his sternum and ribs. Ringing in his ears, like a furious high-pitched bell, which really didn't help with the headache. He could taste blood in his mouth, a metallic tang, and aching sparked through each of his muscles like broken Christmas lights. And who could forget the infamous tremble of his limbs that had started off this mess?

He supposed he could send a fire message to Cat, but that would require him crossing the room to find some paper and a pen, and if he was being completely honest with himself he really didn't think he could make the journey without falling flat on his face. Sliding down the door to a sitting position on the floor, Alec pulled his legs up to his chest, trying his hardest to breathe probably.

He was crying.

How pathetic, he thought bitterly to himself.

Anyone else would assume he was crying over the pain, and he supposed that might be a little part of it. Sure, the agony he was feeling was incomparable, even for a shadowhunter. But Alec, after all this time, had become close to friends with pain, and he hadn't found himself crying over something so trivial in a long time.

Catarina had described blood curses as an extremely powerful form of magic, one that no one would perform unless they truly hated someone. And sure, Alec imagined he'd make a fair few enemies in his line of work, and hell, he knew people hated him, but to do this? To condemn him to this slow and agonising death, to pull his life out of him piece by piece, an end he once truly believed only the worst kind of people deserved?  
That was why he was crying.

Alec had always seen himself dying in battle, or in a demon attack. More recently, he had allowed himself to see a longer future. But never this. And accepting this fate, accepting that not only was he going to die, but that it would be in the most horrific way imaginable, probably with the people he loved most in the world having to witness it? How did anyone come to terms with something like that?

He was not afraid of dying. He was afraid of losing himself. And of his family seeing it happen.

Once upon a time, he had believe only the worst kind of people deserved to die like this.

_No one did,_ he thought to himself. _No one._

***

It only took 15 minutes, give or take, for Magnus to identify the magic signature. Granted, they'd had bumped into a few rogue demons that had slipped under radar, but really it was child's play compared to what they had faced in the past.

Alec had been alerted to their reappearance by a firm knock at the door, and Underhill's voice.  
"Sir? You in there?"  
Sitting up abruptly, he ran a hand over his reddened face, and dry lips. Coughing quietly to clear his choked up throat, he stared up at the ceiling and replied.  
"I'm here. Is everything okay?" Alec cursed himself for the slight crack of his voice, but Andrew didn't sound particularly fazed.  
"Just wanted to let you know Magnus and the others are back. They're in your office."  
"Thanks, Underhill. I'll be right there."

Fuck. How in the hell was he supposed to face them looking like this? Hearing footsteps heading away from his door, Alec grabbed the handle and used it as leverage to pull himself shakily to his feet. Muscles screaming in protest, he made his way over to the mirror, all but grimacing at his reflection.

Bloodshot eyes peered back at him, paired with blotchy skin, coated in a thin sheen of sweat, and horrendously chapped lips. His sleeves had rolled up slightly, revealing jet black threads, colour now seemingly bleeding out into his skin, making it appear grey in comparison. Raising a hand to the neck of his shirt, Alec shifted it down to reveal a little of his arm. The invasion of his veins now nearly reached the bottom of his shoulder. In the time Cat's potion had been masking it's visibility, it had expanded from his elbow up the entirety of his arm.

He supposed it could be worse. At least he could stand, and walk, something he really hadn't been positive he could actually do.

Using that ability, Alec managed to get to his en-suité, turning on the cold tap and splashing the water over his face, before grabbing the comb from above the sink and dragging it through his hair.

Well, he'd definitely looked better. Or, to put a more positive spin on it, he'd certainly looked worse, so there was that.

Of course, they would see right through him, they knew him well enough, but his options seemed a little limited at present. Besides, they'd probably notice anyway when he can't stand up any longer. Or when he was dead, he supposed.

Five minutes, stamina and nourishment runes, and lots of cold water later, he looked quite a bit better. His face was less red and puffy, eyes seeming less bloodshot, and he could sort of stand normally. If he clenched his fists tight enough, so that he could feel his nails dig into the palms of his hands, they wouldn't shake.

Upon reaching his office, Alec could hear them talking, recognising each of their voices, indicating they were all inside. Shifting his weight, he pushed the door open, and all of their heads turned towards him.  
"Sorry, I had something important to deal with." He offered a weak smile, and none of them seemed impressed. "Did we get a match?"  
"Yes. But he's gone off the grid. We can't find him anywhere." Jace replied from his seat on the couch. "We've put in a wanted hit with the Clave, and his friend is trying to track him. Nothing so far."

Alec moved to stand behind his desk, placing his hands down on the wood, gripping hard enough for his knuckles to turn white.  
"I've asked the warlocks to look out for him as well." Magnus told them, "Protecting the mundanes may be your job, but you're looking for one of us, and they'll be helpful."  
"Thank you, Magnus." He nodded, smiling slightly. "Anything else to add, anyone?"  
"There were a couple demons we hadn't picked up, but we dealt with them, and-"

Isabelle was still talking, he thought, well her lips were moving, but instead of his sister's mellow voice, his ears were greeted with a terrible high pitched noise. It was as though his eardrums had burst, cutting off his hearing in a split second.

He was coughing, chesty, broken coughs that tore at his throat, that metallic taste burning into his tongue like acid.

He was coughing up blood.

It decorated the polished desk, deep red stark against the mahogany surface, and glazed his pale lips a carmine colour, dripping down his chin.

"Alexander!" Magnus caught him as he collapsed, lowering him to the floor as the others bolted closer, kneeling beside them. The sleeves of his grey sweater had been pulled over his wrists, but now had shifted to bear his blackened skin, and they could all see it.

"Oh my god." The warlock whispered, grabbing at the cuff of Alec's jumper and pulling it up, as far as it would go, revealing the discolouration stretching up his flesh. His eyes had rolled back, then fluttered closed, and they weren't sure if he was conscious or not. "I- fuck."  
"Magnus!" Isabelle cried out, tears burning in her chestnut eyes. "What is that? What's wrong with him?"  
"Blood curse." He muttered in reply, not even looking up, "It's a blood curse, I can't, I can't do anything. You idiot, you fucking idiot, why did you- you didn't say."

" 'm sorry." Alec mumbled, head falling to the side and body going eerily still.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> explanations and best friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back! I'm pretty sure I'm the most unreliable author to date, but my bursts of inspiration are short lived and sparse. 
> 
> Still, here we are. It's pretty shitty, I'm sorry.

"Jace, get a compress and a bowl of cold water." Magnus shot at him, using his magic to remove Alec's shirt as he lay unmoving on their bed. Letting out a choked exhale, he ran a gentle finger over the black lines on his boyfriend's arm.  
"Cold? But he's freezing." The blonde boy replied hoarsely, visibly shaking. He had never seen Alec's parabatai look so pale, so lackluster.  
"He's not. Please, I'll explain later, just-"  
"No." Isabelle whispered, pushing the damp fringe from her brother's face, before looking up with glassy eyes as Jace found the ability to move towards the kitchen. "No. You will tell us now. I want to know what's happening to him."

Magnus opened his mouth to say something, but no sound could be heard. For a couple of seconds, there was silence, until Jace's less-than-steady footsteps signalled his return. Placing the bowl and fabric on the bedside table, he fell back into a chair and pulled it closer towards his brother, settling it near the bottom of the bed.  
"I can't feel it. I should be able to, but I just feel... nothing." He murmured, eyes glued to Alec's face, sheened in sweat despite his cold exterior.

"I need Cat." Magnus dipped the compress in the bowl, wringing it out and gently settling it on Alec's forehead, wiping off his hands and summoning parchment and a quill. Leaning on the table, he scribbled a rather shaky looking message and threw it in the air, leaving it to disappear with a trail of fire.  
"Magnus." Isabelle hissed, verging on furious, now holding Alec's hand as he twitched, the whites of his eyes showing occasionally as they rolled back. He didn't look up, focused on his boyfriend.

Cat's reply was speedy, flying into his hands with embers burning down. "She's on her way." He turned his attention back to Alec, going to further inspect his arms.

"MAGNUS!" Isabelle yelled, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, and for the first time, he stopped dead still. "You're going to tell me what is happening right now. If you don't, angel help me I will-"

She didn't finish, and really, she didn't have to. Isabelle didn't say things she didn't mean. Magnus knew full well that she would never hurt him, so there was no point in making an empty threat. But the idea was there, the notion that her patience had snapped. 

Turning the compress over to the cooler side, he seated himself on the bed. "Blood curses are rarely seen, and for good reason. It speaks for itself really, a curse has been put on his blood. It's poisoning him, essentially. This black colour," Magnus ran gentle fingers up Alec's arm, tracing the journey to his shoulder. "it's the vessels dying. As the veins and arteries carry the cursed blood, it slowly infects them, for a lack of a better word. But it's not enough to kill him, and it won't, until it reaches his heart. They have to be performed by very powerful warlocks, I wouldn't even know where to start looking for such a spell."

Isabelle had paled considerably, her face, usually flushed with life, seemed almost translucent. Beside him, Jace had sat up straight, fear apparent in his features.

"Why- why would a warlock do this to him? And when? How did we not know? Of course." She whispered, eyes dull with realisation, "Of course he wouldn't tell us. Selfless bastard."

The warlock gave a mirthless smile.

"You said it would kill him." She stared at him, "Why aren't you doing anything? Shouldn't you be finding some kind of spell to heal him?"

It wasn't a sob he let out, not loud, not even quiet. Silent, except shallow exhales. The tears he had been blinking away, trying his hardest to keep together, now slipped from his eyes, burning on his cheeks. It was only a few tears, barely enough to call it crying, but it was enough. "There isn't one Isabelle. There's no cure. He's, my- Alec, he's going to die. I can't heal him." 

"What?" Jace breathed, left hand clasping at his side where their rune was tattooed onto his skin. "What do you mean- there has to be a cure." He was then on his feet, torn between staying by Alec and pacing the floor, awkwardly shifting his feet. "You're telling me with all your books, all the people you know, you can't fix him?" 

Magnus could hear the anger rising in the shadowhunter's voice, and was quick to join him in standing, wiping under his eyes, uncaring as to how his makeup looked. "This curse," his voice was quiet, rough, "isn't designed to be cured. It's meant to kill you, in the cruelest and most painful way possible. The magic it takes- to reverse it is impossible. I- I'm sorry. I wish, I wish I could tell you I could do something, I'd give anything to be able to. But I can't."

"You can't? How can you- you're Magnus fucking Bane! You're supposed to be the best there is. All that pomp and circumstance, the fucking dramatics about how powerful you are, but when it really matters, when my brother's life is at stake, you can't do anything?"  
"Jace!" Isabelle snapped, eyes burning, causing him to turn towards her quickly. "Stop it. Do you honestly believe Magnus wouldn't help if he could? If there was any way? I know you're angry, and scared, believe me I am too. But blaming him isn't helping."

Jace stepped back, mouth slightly agape, bringing a shaking had to brush away the tear that had escaped his eye, before running it over his entire face. "I know. I know. I'm- I'm sorry, Magnus. I know this isn't your fault."

The sound of a portal opening spared Magnus from answering. Catarina strode into the bedroom, two heavy, leather-bound books under her arm. Carelessly dropping her effects, she moved closer to the bed, lifting one of Alec's arms to fully inspect them.  
"I told you, you stupid shadowhunter." She scolded, voice all but a breath.  
"Catarina, thank you for coming." He began, a frown creasing between his eyebrows suddenly. "Wait, I'm sorry, you told him?"  
She looked up, a worried expression on her face. "You told him? Did- did you know about this?"

For a moment, she stood silently, as though she was unsure as to what to say. Then, with a sharp intake of breath, she moved to meet his eyes. "I did." Magnus let out a choked sound, but before he could begin to respond she continued. "And I'm sorry Magnus. He came to my apartment hardly able to stand, and I helped him. I made him the symptom suppressor potion, I told him about the curse and then I went to contact you. He stopped me. He all but begged me not to tell you. And you know as well as I do that he meant well. Alec has some serious self-worth issues, I mean, you told me that yourself."

"But you didn't think it was maybe crucial to tell me that my boyfriend had a blood curse? How long have we known each other Cat? I think I deserved to know."  
"You did. But I'm a nurse Magnus. Patient confidentiality is very important to me. This was Alec's decision. Still, I did tell him that if you asked I would tell you. Because you're my best friend, and I don't want to lie to you."

At this, Magnus sagged, sinking back onto the bed, turning his head back to the unconscious shadowhunter. 

"I knew something was wrong." Isabelle whispered, not even looking up from her brother. "I asked him, but he completely denied it. I should have pushed harder, because I knew he was lying."  
"Don't beat yourself up Iz, I knew too. There was this block between us. I knew it was coming from Alec's side, but I just assumed he was still hurting from what had happened with that warlock. I should have asked, but everything was so busy." Jace replied, running a shaky hand through his blonde hair. 

Magnus entwined his fingers with Alec's unmoving ones, a frown deeply carved into his face. "Alec's body was rejecting my magic. I knew that it wasn't right, so I've been researching the causes for it. I didn't tell him because I didn't want to worry him, and now I just feel.. foolish. He was so withdrawn, and just so off with me, despite his best efforts, and I didn't even bring it up. Not really. I just wanted to find out what was wrong with him before I brought it up."

Isabelle gave humourless laugh, causing all of them to look up at her.

"So what I'm hearing is that we all fucking knew, and did nothing. No wonder he didn't tell us."

If any of them were about to protest her words, it was interrupted by a cry of pain from the bed, as Alec writhed, eyelids flitting open. The four of them shot towards him, Isabelle and Magnus leaning forwards, Jace and Cat launching to the bed. 

"He's getting worse." Isabelle croaked as her brother twitched in her arms, tears now burning down her pale cheeks. With pleading eyes, she looked up at the two warlocks. "Is there really nothing you can do? Nothing?"

Catarina bit her lip, casting a worried glance at her friend, who was running his hand through Alec's hair, bloodshot eyes fixed on his boyfriend's distressed face. Leaning down, she picked up the books she had abandoned on the floor, shuffling through the pages of one of them and pulling out a piece of aged paper. "Jace, Isabelle. Go to Magnus' apothecary and find these ingredients. Everything's labelled."  
The younger Lightwood took the paper, but didn't seem convinced. "What are they for? And why do you want us to leave?"

With a gentle laugh, Cat placed the titles on the bedside table. "Lightwoods." She muttered, "It will help calm him. It's the best I can do on that front. I need to speak to Magnus. I'd rather you didn't argue with me." Her voice wasn't cruel, but instead was firm and final. Isabelle knew she wasn't being unkind, so gave a tight smile and left to do as she was told, Jace following behind her, hand still tightly clasping the rune on his abdomen.

"I'm going back to the Spiral Labyrinth. It's where I've been the last few days, looking for any new information on the curse." Magnus rose to his feet, somewhat lacking in his usual grace, a frown set into his face.  
"Cat, do you honestly believe you'll find anything?"  
"Perhaps. I have something, maybe a lead, but it could well go nowhere. But I have to try, for you. And for Alec. I know it's almost impossible, but I won't give up. I had to tell you, but I don't want to give Jace and Isabelle false hope. Make that potion, it will bring him some comfort, keep him as cool as possible, and make sure he knows you're here. I can't imagine what he's going through right now."

Magnus threw his arms around her, pulling his friend into a tight hug. "Thank you, Cat. For trying. I don't know what I'll do if I lose him. I don't even want to think-"  
"Then don't. Just focus on looking after him. I'll contact you when I can, okay?" 

With that, a portal was opened and he was alone with Alec.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the agony of a blood curse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this one hurt.

Magnus let his shoulders sag as Catarina disappeared, turning his head to cast his eyes over the unconscious shadowhunter. Anxiously biting his lip, he willed his feet to move towards the bed, knees bending to sit down beside his boyfriend.

Though he knew it was fruitless, he raised a hand to let his magic flow through Alec's body, and was very much not surprised when he felt it simply bounce back. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" With a shaking hand he combed Alec's damp locks, voice low and pained. "I know you didn't want to burden me, but you have never been, and will never be a burden to me Alexander. I love you, and the thought of losing you is terrifying. And now if Cat doesn't find anything- it won't be a thought anymore. It will be real and I- I don't think I'll survive it."  
"Magnus! We have everything." Isabelle's voice carried into the bedroom, causing him to pull back slightly and wipe under his eyes.

Pressing a gentle kiss to Alec's pale knuckles, he rose quickly, feeling momentarily dizzy, before catching a glimpse of his reflection, that make him grimace. Eyeliner was smeared below his eyes, face still damp from warm tears and he looked - to put it quite simply - awful.

_"You have never looked awful a day in your life, Magnus Bane."_ He could almost hear Alec say, as he had once before. It had earned an unconvinced, but nonetheless flattered laughed from him, and perhaps a blush, through he wouldn't admit it. Now however, it made him screw up his eyes and hold them tightly shut, chewing harshly on his bottom lip to prevent the sob hiding in his throat escaping.

Perhaps Alec found him beautiful, but the world might not. And even after all these centuries, Magnus found himself using his makeup and extravagant clothing as a form of armour, shielding himself. Even though it was only Jace and Isabelle who he would find in the next room, it was the symbolism behind it that made him send a light flurry of magic over his face, replacing the ruined artwork with fresh paint. 

He wished he could say it made him feel remotely better.

"Catarina left the recipe here." Isabelle handed him a piece of crumpled paper as soon as he entered the apothecary. It was complex, admittedly, but nothing he wasn't capable of. Turning to the pile of ingredients the two shadowhunters had less than gracefully piled on the table, he quickly got to work. "Jace, go keep an eye on Alexander. I'd rather not leave him alone." He spoke quietly, not even looking up. 

He was almost surprised that Jace didn't argue, but he supposed the boy was a little dazed. Magnus may well be like that if he wasn't trying to distract himself. 

As the potion simmered, he let himself fall into the chair that accompanied the mahogany table.

"Magnus?" The younger Lightwood's voice was unusually timid, red lips verging on trembling. "Do you need anything?" He looked up, almost smiling at Isabelle's touching concern. The pain in her chestnut eyes was evident, but here she was, focusing solely on his wellbeing. 

Lightwoods. So damn selfless.

Stubborn, yes. Seriously lacking some self-worth, most definitely. But always, and without hesitation, selfless. 

"A scotch would do nicely." He mused, lacking a certain level of mirth that led Isabelle to believe that he would be comfortable draining a bottle if they'd let him.  
"I don't think it's a good idea for you to be anything but sober right now." She replied softly, barely managing to twitch her lips upwards into a half-smile.  
"Then perhaps pour yourself one. You look like you need it. Or at least a strong cup of tea."  
"That, I can do. For both of us." With a brief exhale, she turned to busy herself in kitchen.

Closing his eyes, Magnus could, just for a brief moment, imagine everything was perfectly okay. The bubbling of a potion, the potent smell of herbs and exotic ingredients, the sound of water boiling from outside the room. 

_"Magnus?" Alec was bleary-eyed, wearing only dark grey sweatpants. "It's nearly 3am. Can't that wait until tomorrow?"_

_"Not unless you want to burn a hole in the roof." The warlock shrugged. "I'm almost finished, I promise. Just one more ingredient and we should have an anti-love potion ready to go." He didn't miss the way Alec's brows shot up as he tipped the contents of a glass bottle into the cauldron._

_"Anti-love? Is there something you want to talk about?" Alec questioned, a slight grin on his face._  
_"Darling, if I was planning on drugging one of us with this, I'd hardly be making it in front of you." _  
_"Touché." His boyfriend shrugged, suppressing a yawn behind his hand._

_Noticing this, Magnus left the potion to bubble, walking around the other side of the table. "Did I wake you up, love?" He frowned as Alec blinked quickly._  
_"No, not exactly. I-erm, couldn't really sleep too well knowing you were up." Guilt pooled a little in his stomach at Alec's words, knowing the feeling all too well. _  
_"Oh I'm sorry, Alexander. I promise I'll come to bed soon. I was just going to finish up here and have a cup of tea."_  
_"I'll make you one. I wouldn't mind one myself actually."_

_They both knew full well that in theory, Magnus could snap his fingers and two mugs would appear in their hands. But Alec had realised by now that the warlock actually preferred to do it himself, as he did with several very mundane things. _

_Pressing a quick kiss to Magnus' cheek, Alec left him alone with his potion. Turning to see it resembled the correct colour, he waved his hand to turn off the heat and went to bottle it. _

_It wasn't a potion he particularly approved of, it seemed incredibly unfair to force someone to fall out of love, but he was willing to give it on specific circumstances. There was always a time when it was the kinder thing to do._

_After separating the liquid into half a dozen bottles, he placed one on the table to give to his client who was expecting it in the coming days, and spelled the workspace clean._

_All but collapsing into his chair, Magnus wanted to fall asleep on the spot, but honestly, it had become such a habit to drink tea before sleeping that he would feel strange doing anything else._

_"Here." Alec's mellow voice snapped him back to reality as he placed a china cup in front of him._  
_"Oh, thank you my love." He replied softly, offering a gentle smile._

"Magnus? Magnus are you okay?" Isabelle was in front of him, concerned creasing her smooth skin. A cup of tea was on the table, stream rising towards the ceiling. "You seemed really out of it."

He was determined not to cry again, but god, if these memories kept plaguing him then he wasn't sure he could stop himself. 

"Sorry, Isabelle, my mind was somewhere else." Magnus blinked quickly, pushing a weak smile onto his face as he picked up the cup. "Thank you. For the tea, I mean." The liquid was searingly hot, but he swigged as much as he could, not missing Isabelle watching him intently. She nodded in acknowledgement, barely catching his eyes, before glancing towards the cauldron.   
"How long will it take to finish?"  
"Actually," Magnus sat up a little, grateful for the conversation starter, looking carefully at the liquid that bubbled beside him, "it's done."

His hand moved to pick up a bottle, and then it was smashing on the floor. Glass shards surrounded their feet, and it took Magnus a few seconds for his brain to process why.

Bloodcurdling screams echoed through the apartment, loud and terrifying and _fucking_ heartbreaking.

And coming, unmistakably, from the man he loved.

Jace is yelling for help, Isabelle is crying out her brother's name and he's running, blindly, towards the bedroom they share. He wasn't sure what he imagined, but this was indefinitely worse.

His lover's parabatai was on his knees by the bed, eyes wide in panic as his hands were suspended between himself and the man in the bed, clearly unsure whether to touch him or not. Tears streamed down his face, their shared rune glowing every few seconds and terror was burned into his expression. And then there was Alec, writhing and screaming and coughing up scary amounts of deep red blood onto the sheets, eyes open and scared, so very scared. 

Limbs flailing, the torturous yells he was letting out were mixed with raw sobs and chokes as his lips were stained crimson.

"Alec! Alec, oh my god." Isabelle cried, no longer suppressing the stream of tears, a shaking hand going to cover her mouth.

Though lost in pain, the eldest Lightwood son seemed to vaguely register their appearance, eyes fixing on them for a fraction of a second with such raw agony and desperate pleading that Magnus felt his knees go entirely weak, all but staggering towards the bed. 

He was only snapped out of his trance when Alec's screams formed his name, voice so naked with painful vulnerability, all but begging for help.

"Isabelle, get me that potion, now." He grated out, wishing so much that he could use any sort of magic to help his love, instead leaving him feeling so damn useless. She didn't argue, using her shadowhunter speed to exit the room. 

Alec continued to alternate between screaming and sobbing Magnus' name, and the warlock dropped to his knees, clasping one of his boyfriend's hands tightly in his own. "I'm here, my love, just hold on for me. Just a little longer, I promise." More blood dripped from Alec's lips, down his chin or onto the golden sheets. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry angel, I'm here, I'm here."

The very faint sound of heels against the wooden floor alerted him to Isabelle's reappearance as a cup was pressed into his free palm. "Jace, hold him down." Magnus instructed, voice strained, waiting for the boy to restrain Alec as best as he could so that he could raise the cup to his blood stained lips, tipping the fluid down the shadowhunter's throat even as he coughed.

Immediately, Alec started to calm, body relaxing a little. As the seconds passed, his screams died, voice now reduced to quiet sniffles and stuttering breaths, eyes shifting between open and closed. Jace let up his grip on his brother, letting his own weight fall to the floor, head resting on the mattress as he tried to exhale.

"There you go, Alexander. Just rest. You're okay." It was a barefaced lie, of course, as the incident showed Alec was far from okay, but for now, he supposed, the boy was a lot more okay than he was not thirty seconds ago. 

Eyelids switching between watching him in a daze and slipping closed, Alec was out of it again within a minute, and Magnus was glad of it. He didn't know how much more trauma his boyfriend could take. Lilith, he didn't know how much more he could watch. If it was torture for him, he dreaded to imagine what the shadowhunter felt like. 

Alec didn't let up on the warlock's hand.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> honesty and a long overdue conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More pain - yes person who commented, I may be a sadist.

The silence that had settled between them was chilling.

Jace had risen from the floor into a chair, Isabelle was sat on the bed, dabbing a cool flannel on her brother's forehead, and Magnus had taken to pacing the room, unable to sit still for any meaningful period of time.

What were they _supposed_ to say? Were the supposed to talk about what they had just witnessed? Magnus could barely think about it without tears threatening to spill down his already wrecked face, never mind relive it out loud.

So instead, he had to distract himself, feet never stopping as he strode to and fro, terrified that if he slowed, the screams echoing through his head would surface. It didn't help that every time he closed his eyes, the image of Alec choking on his own blood was burned into his eyelids, and to be quite honest, the warlock felt numb.

He had never, in his long life, felt so utterly useless. His magic did nothing, he couldn't lessen Alec's pain, and all he could do is wait to see if the man he loved was really going to die. And as each minute passed, the likelihood of that happening increased, which crushed him. Truth be told, Magnus would die a million times over if Alec had the chance to live. Even the slightest chance.

Magnus had been described before as a light, though he never agreed with the sentiment. It simply wasn't true. He had been in the dark for a very long time, cold and empty. _Alec_ was the light, the light who had ignited the spark inside him, and if he lost that light, he would again be submerged in darkness. A worse one than before, far worse. He doubted he would ever resurface, because this wouldn't be like before. Though he hadn't allowed himself to entertain the idea, Magnus knew full well that this - what he and Alexander had - was different. It was _more_.

The quiet was split in half by the sound of Isabelle's phone, not remotely loud but enough to make them all jump. He supposed they could be forgiven for being so skittish, all things considered. Placing the material back in the bowl of water, Isabelle wiped her hands down on a towel and picked up her phone, eyes twitching as she decided to take the call, swiftly exiting the room, closing the door softly behind her.

With a difficult sigh, Magnus decided to make himself useful, taking her place on the bed.

The sheets had been changed, and the blood cleaned from Alec's face and chest, but the evidence of what had happened remained in his ghostly pale skin, almost translucent, and the grey-ish blue tinge to his dry lips. The discolouration had curved around his shoulders, dangerously close to his chest, and the lines no longer stopped at his wrists, now curling down his hands, leaving his fingertips black.

Magnus wrung out the cloth, lowering it onto the shadowhunter's head, watching the less-than-steady rise and fall of his chest. Alec's breaths were loud, wheezing, sounding entirely painful, but he couldn't do anything to soothe the man's suffering. Instead, he ran his hand through his lover's damp hair, hoping that Alec could sense he was near.

A stifled yawn caused Magnus to look up, seeing Jace with his hand covering his mouth, eyes close to falling shut. The boy was clearly exhausted. They'd been on two missions in the space of a few hours, spent most of the night looking over Alec and Magnus figured that he hadn't been sleeping too well knowing that his parabatai was blocking him out.

"Jace?" Magnus spoke quietly, forcing the other's head upwards sharply as bloodshot eyes met his own. "Do you want to get some sleep? You look exhausted." As soon as the words left his mouth, Jace was shaking his head as quickly as he could, letting out a string of no's.  
"I can't leave him. I'm okay, I swear." His voice was unnaturally rough, his movements changing from sluggish to skittish, and now Magnus was _really_ worried.

They had never had any kind of relationship, Jace and him. Certainly not friends. Alec was really the only thread that held them together. At first, all the blonde had been to him was an inconvenience. The boy was completely lovesick, reckless and arrogant. Now, Magnus didn't disapprove of rule breaking, but what he couldn't stand was doing things with a complete disregard of the consequences for others. Jace's devil-may-care attitude may have worked for him, but it was often incredibly inconvenient for the rest of them.

Still, he had come to realise how much Alec cared for his brother, and how much they relied on each other. And if Alexander could put his trust in Jace, Magnus didn't believe there was a reason he couldn't either.

Seeing Jace's hyperactivity was concerning, as he always seemed to be laid-back, even infuriatingly so at times. He was relying on adrenaline alone, and that wasn't good. Because believe it or not, Magnus actually cared about Alec's parabatai, perhaps beyond the expected 'You're my boyfriend's brother so I have to sort of not want you to die or anything' kind of care. He supposed, that one day, they may call themselves friends.

"You look dead on your feet, Jace. It's okay, Isabelle and I will watch over Alec, and will wake you up if anything at all happens. I promise." If Jace was going to protest, it was cut off by a yawn, and Magnus smirked, raising an eyebrow. With a groan of defeat, he lifted himself from the seat, staggering slightly for a second, before sending what Magnus guessed was supposed to be a smile in his direction, and took his weary leave.

Isabelle appeared in the doorway not thirty seconds after Jace had slumped through it, crease between her brows and phone loose in her hand. Slipping it into her back pocket, she slid into the chair her brother had occupied, looking entirely worn out.

"I just saw Jace going to the guest room, how did you manage that?" She chuckled smoothly, tucking her hair behind her ears.  
"A man never reveals his secrets." Magnus winked, revelling in the genuine smile he managed to pull from his friend. "Is everything okay?" He nodded towards the door where she had emerged from after her earlier phone call.

"It was the Institute. I'm Alec's second-in-command, and named successor if- well, it doesn't matter. They've put finding the warlock that had my brothers as top priority. I haven't told them why, I know there are people in the Clave who would take full advantage of Alec's current state, and make plans in case- well, in case." Her face faltered slightly, but she quickly regained composure, "I've put my mother in change while I'm here, she knows what's happening, I had to beg her to stay at the Institute to keep control, it was only the job of finding that bitch who did this that convinced her. But she'll be here as soon as she can. Oh, and they also took that warlock who we think opened the rift into custody, and he confessed. So..." She shrugged.

Magnus could have laughed at how important that mission had seemed not 24 hours ago. And now, it meant nothing, not really. Sure, the mundanes would be safer now that no rifts to The Void were being opened intentionally, but in perspective, it was so... trivial. He knew it sounded selfish, but it was true.

"That's good." He hummed, fiddling with the rings on his hands, suddenly feeling the coldness of the bedroom. Isabelle must have seen his shiver, as she was quickly on her feet, grabbing the blanket folded at the end of the bed and crossing the room to sit beside him, wrapping the fabric around his shoulders.  
"Isabelle." Magnus tutted, feeling somewhere between rather touched and rather pathetic. He supposed it was on him, it was his idea to work around the rules of the blood curse by cooling the room rather than Alec himself.

"Shush. I'm looking after my friend." She placed her hand on top of his, chestnut eyes softening before turning towards her brother, missing the way Magnus' eyes glazed over momentarily with tears at her words. After watching the shaking movements of Alec's chest for a few seconds, she chewed on her red-tinted lips, most of the lipstick now lost to anxiety and a sleepless night.  
"Magnus?" Isabelle sounded so cautious and timid that he hardly recognised the girl's voice at all. Her eyes were still fixed on Alec, unblinking, but once she knew she had his attention, then turned her head towards him. "I need you to be honest with me, please. I know Catarina went back to the Spiral Labyrinth to continue looking for a cure but- do you really think she's going to find one? Really?"

Magnus wanted to tell her that he has complete faith in Cat, and of course he did, but it wouldn't make any difference. And the last thing he wanted to do was lie to Isabelle, especially when she had pleaded with him to be truthful.

"To be candid, my dear, no. I don't. I wish I could tell you I did. Blood curses aren't meant to be cured, it would defeat the purpose. I have seen a number, not many, but enough. And if there was any way to save them, I would have. Yes, magic advances, evolves, new spells are created and abilities discovered, but alas, I don't think this is a part of that." Isabelle's face dropped, but there was no surprise in it. She had already known, really. But Magnus figured it was harder for her to hear it said aloud, by him especially.

"But Isabelle, I can't accept that, no matter how much I believe it. Because if I accept it, I accept that I'm going to lose him, and I cant- I won't. I don't know what I'll do if he d-" he stuttered over the word, feeling painful in his throat. "We can't give up. Not yet."

"I know." Was all she managed.

Not fifteen minutes later, Isabelle was passed out, sort of curled up with her head on the sheets. He could hardly blame the girl, she had tried so desperately to stay awake but they'd not exactly had the time to rest.

Pulling the blanket off of his shoulders, he placed it over her, suddenly feeling very alone. It wasn't silent, he could still hear Alec's troubled breathing and quivering, and the deep inhales of sleep from Isabelle, but the lack of voices distracting him left him facing the reality of what was in front of him.

Standing up quickly, Magnus ignored the sharp pain in his head, making towards the living room where his drinks cart stood. Shuffling around with a few bottles, he found the one containing his best whiskey, not hesitating to pull out the stopper. Shakily raising the glass to his lips, he tasted the burn of alcohol on his tongue.

As he did, he realised that Isabelle was right. Being drunk wasn't going to help him. In fact, it would make this much worse. Despite its appealing properties, even the strongest drink would not dull what he was feeling right now, and would certainly make him feel incredibly guilty once he had sobered up. Alec needed him sober.

Speaking of Alec, loud coughs echoed throughout the apartment, sounding rough and painful. Magnus' heart clenched, dropping the bottle carelessly to the floor as he ran towards the source, stopping in the door frame.

He was expecting a similar scene to before, perhaps not as bad since screams had not accompanied the choked noises his boyfriend was making, but alas he was wrong. Sure, Alec seemed to be in some pain, from the way his nose was scrunched up slightly and one hand was holding his chest, but he was awake, not writhing in any awful kind of discomfort. It appeared as though he had simply woken up, and was dealing with the less-than-pleasant side effects of his curse.

The coughs died down, and Alec had seen him, lowering himself fully back into the pillows as Magnus hurried towards the bed.  
"Hey." The shadowhunter's voice was unnaturally coarse, low and quiet, as though he had a particularly bad sore throat.  
"Alexander." Magnus breathed, sinking onto the side of the bed, reaching out to stroke his lover's cheek. Alec couldn't quite smile, but his lips turned up slightly and Magnus understood the sentiment.  
"You're mad at me, aren't you?" He whispered, eyes heartbreakingly sad, and Magnus could just cry at how vulnerable he looked.  
"Oh, I'm furious. But it's not the time for that. Once we've healed you up, and you're all back to normal, I can be as mad at you as I'd like." Magnus spoke airily, bringing what he assumed was a chuckle from Alec's lips.  
"I think I can live with that."

The warlock could still see that Alexander was traumatized from what he had experienced earlier, and terrified that it would happen again, but was too exhausted to even begin to express how he was feeling. Instead, he asked a question that Magnus really did not want to answer, because speaking it aloud seemed a little too awful.

"Magnus, when this thing kills me," He closed his eyes at how sure and acceptant Alec was of this, "will my heart just stop? You know, nice and easy? I mean, as easy as it can be, all things considered."

There was no lying anymore. Magnus owed his boyfriend that much.

"Technically speaking, yes, your heart stopping will be what ki- you know." Even now, he couldn't bring himself to say it. "But I'm afraid it isn't as simple as that Alexander. It will tear your soul apart, and, I suppose, your body as well. There have been cases of bones breaking, or skin tearing, or not even dying from heart failure, but choking on their own blood." The fear in Alec's eyes shut him up immediately, and he was quickly holding his hand tightly. "But, that's rare cases, my love. Every curse is different, I can't possibly say."

Magnus was a fool. He should have just kept his mouth shut. There were so many details he could have missed out of that response, and yet he had gone ahead and described the worst scenarios.

"M-Magnus?" Alec whispered, eyes burning into his caramel ones, "You have to promise me that you won't let it get that far. I can't lose my soul, and I really don't want to die in that way. Please, promise that you'll kill me before it comes to that."

Recoiling, horror burned into his expression, stomach dropping at the boy's request. It was reasonable, really, no one deserved a death in the way a blood curse delivered it, but to suggest-

"Alec. You can't ask that of me. I want you to be in as little pain as possible, but do you really think I'm capable-"  
"I'd do the same for you, if there was no other way. Please. I wouldn't ask if it was any other scenario. I just can't- please."

Shushing him carefully, he nodded his head, and Alec seemed a little appeased by the reaction, visibly calming.

It didn't take long for him to slip back out of consciousness, back into a restless sleep. Magnus stroked his hair back, one hand still grasped in Alec's, trying to bring an element of comfort to his sleep.

But promise he did not.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a mother's love and the unthinkable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is very on brand for me to post two chapters in a week and then disappear for a month. But hi, here's another chapter to finish off the year, or the decade? Anyway, get ready, because this is a big one. Guess I'll apologize in advance ;)
> 
> Don't kill me yet, there's more to go.
> 
> I reckon there's a bunch of mistakes in this, I'll fix them if I notice them but oh well
> 
> There is a bit of Spanish in this chapter, and I'll say sorry again to any Spanish speakers because my Spanish is not perfect so I'm sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> Here are the translations:
> 
> Mamà - Mum (of course, don't think you needed that)  
Mi hijo - My son/my boy  
¿Como te sientes? - How are you feeling?  
Estoy bien - I'm fine

Magnus watched Alec as the hours passed, willing himself to stay awake, and though he was unsure as to what time it was, the sun was now peering through the velvet curtains as dawn broke. 

It had been rather uneventful since Alec fell back asleep, and he had passed the time reading through any and all of the material he possessed on blood curses, some texts dating back to before his own birth. That would usually be of no use, since they would be completely outdated, but truth be told there had been very little progression on curing the curse, even across the centuries.

There really wasn't much material at all, since the curse itself was so rare. And most of it simply highlighted the symptoms and side effects of the spell, which wasn't exactly useful considering he was well aware that Alexander had been cursed.

The only page of use in the entirety of his - _admittedly limited_ \- collection was the recipe to a soothing paste that may be applied to the skin covering the already infected veins and arteries in order to cool and relieve. It wasn't much, but Magnus was willing to do anything to provide even a little more comfort to Alec, and if that meant brewing a hundred potions or searching the world for just one ingredient, he would do it without a second of hesitation.

The paste had taken less than an hour to make, and was rather good for passing the time and providing a distraction that he very much needed. Magnus had felt a touch of relief in his chest when Alec visibly calmed in his sleep at the application of it, because it was _something_. 

Isabelle had woken up once or twice, only for a brief few moments, barely able to open her eyes long enough to string together any comprehensible words before sinking back into much-needed slumber.

He had since moved her to a reclining armchair, covering her frame with the blanket that had accompanied her on the bed. She breathed heavily, eyeliner now slightly smudged, hair covering part of her face, yet the shadowhunter seemed to be more peaceful than he had seen her in days.

Jace had yet to stir also, clearly fast asleep in the guest room. Clary had sent Magnus a fire message inquiring into all of their wellbeing at around 3am, seemingly not sleeping any better than himself. She would be here with them, but Maryse had requested her stay at the Institute to lead patrols and help with training while her children were away.

Speaking of the Lightwood's mother, frantic knocks on his door snapped Magnus out of his bubble, and it was clear she had managed to excuse herself from the Institute, at least for a while. With a click of his fingers, he allowed her into the apartment, standing up to make his way to greet her. The woman looked tired, and rightfully so, she had been running the Institute all day. They were lucky Alec had made sure Maryse would be allowed in the Institute a while ago, and despite now technically being a mundane, the shadowhunters trusted her experience enough to listen to her instructions while Alec was out and Isabelle was by his side.

"Magnus." Maryse breathed, hurrying towards him, throwing her arms around the warlock. "Magnus, I am so sorry." 

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't that. Why on earth was she being sympathetic towards him? Alec was her son, and Magnus had been completely useless in helping him. Hell, it took him almost a week, and Alec collapsing to the floor choking on his own blood for him to figure out exactly what was wrong. But yet again, Maryse Lightwood had surprised him. 

The pair of them had a rough history, one that didn't see them become civil until very recently. They had known one another since Maryse was a young woman, cool, calculating, and worse of all, a member of the Circle. Well, to be truthful she hadn't been when they first met, she was the new Head of the New York Institute with her husband, and though they were not exactly pro-downworlder, he wouldn't have pinpointed her as a traitor to the Clave. He visited the Institute on occasion to repair the wards, and found himself having an automatic dislike for the woman. Maybe it was her referral to him as 'warlock', though so did half of the shadowhunters he had met. Maybe it was her lack of warmth towards anyone, not even her own children as he would find out two decades later. 

When the Circle's horrific acts were discovered, Magnus had been outraged to hear that the Lightwoods were still allowed to run the Institute even after their betrayal. The only pity he could find himself feeling towards the family was the fact they had a son, who did not deserve to be punished for the actions of his parents. And yet, as Magnus would find out when he met said son, Alexander Lightwood, he had suffered for it nevertheless.

Magnus' hostility for Maryse, and Robert for that matter, grew much greater when Alec came into - more like _crashed_ into - his life. Alec had been shattered into a million pieces by his parents, and had been left filled with so much self-hatred. It grew worse after Alec's coming out, her cruel words making him want to tear the woman limb from limb, simply because of the look on her son's face.

Something changed though, maybe after her deruning, but something told Magnus it began before that. She had been trying, he'd noticed it at Max's rune party, though it hadn't been at the top of his list of priorities that evening. Her _trying_, really, was more than enough for him, because he knew how hard it was to break habits. Maybe it was her children's courage, how outspoken and honestly good they were that began her change. She was finally being the mother that Alexander, and Isabelle deserved, she was truly making amends for the damage she caused. And now, despite him never being able to predict this, Magnus would probably consider them friends. 

She pulled back, worry now firmly set in her eyes, which searched his own. "Where is he? Where's my boy?" Ignoring the clench of his heart at her words, he gestured towards the closed bedroom door.  
"He's sleeping. As are his siblings." She didn't hesitate to cross the room, pushing the door open, only to come to a sudden stop, as though she had hit an invisible concrete wall. 

"Oh Alec." Maryse whispered, and whether she was being conscious of her sleeping children, or was in complete shock at the terrifying state of her eldest son, Magnus did not know. Perhaps it was a combination of both, or something else entirely. He couldn't say he blamed her, for Alec looked arguably worse than he did the evening before. Skin impossibly paler, dark shadows cupped his face, and though he was in very good shape, perks of being a shadowhunter who needed to work out, the man had clearly lost some weight in muscle mass.

She had managed to make it to the bed, sinking into the chair that he had occupied earlier. Reaching over, Maryse ran her hand through her son's fringe, and the action seemed to awaken Alec from his troubled slumber. He seemed dazed, hazel eyes clouded over, but after a few moments he appeared to register his mother in front of him.

"Mamà?" Alec mumbled, and angels above, Magnus could just sob at how vulnerable and young his love sounded.   
"Mi hijo," she smiled, hiding her earlier expression before he even had the chance to open his eyes, like a true mother would. "¿Como te sientes?"

Alec didn't really speak Spanish around Magnus. It wasn't for any particular reason that concerned the two of them, Magnus spoke the language perfectly well, he'd been fluent since the 17th century, and Alec wasn't at all secretive of it. His boyfriend had mentioned in the past that he hadn't taken the same liking to it as his sister had, so Magnus assumed that it was more of a '_speak it when it was being spoken_' thing rather than a regular thing. Perhaps it was a family thing.

On this occasion, however, he believed it was an instinct, learned from childhood. Magnus knew Alec well enough to know he was scared, he had seen it in his eyes when the shadowhunter had all but begged him to end his life before the curse did. And if Magnus was as observant as he thought himself to be, then he would be right in thinking that the familiarity of the language brought him comfort.

"Estoy bien." Alec replied softly, and Magnus couldn't help but exhale a chuckle. It was so so Alec to say he was fine while lying on a bed, potentially days away from a horrific death. Maryse clearly shared his mindset, rolling her eyes in motherly disapproval.   
"Stubborn, as always." She tutted, switching back to English, sending a knowing look towards Magnus, who was stood in the doorway. 

Despite his acknowledgement from Maryse, the warlock still felt as though he was intruding on an intimate moment between a mother and her son.

He turned to leave, but an all too familiar sound stopped him in his tracks. Choking, a rather strangled sound, one that he knew was accompanied with blood, too much blood, and he was spinning around to see Alec hunched over, Maryse now on her feet with fear and concern clear on her face, and his chin and gold sheets were spotted deep red. 

Then the screaming started.

Isabelle bolted awake, the screams of her brother snapping her out of her slumber, and she was quickly crossing the room, still slightly dazed from sleep, staggering. 

Alec was shrieking, bloodcurdling and loud and horrifying and _oh god,_ Magnus just wanted to cover his ears and curl up and he wanted to do something, _anything_ to stop Alec's pain. He was somehow at the side of the bed, feet having moved without him noticing, and now he could see up close the anguish on his lover's face. 

Blood stained his lips as it spouted from his mouth, gargling his screams which somehow made it _fucking_ worse, and Magnus wasn't sure how that was possible. 

Jace was in the room then, woken by the combination of the commotion and the torment he must have felt through the parabatai rune. He was barely standing, attesting to the agony his brother must be feeling. 

"Brother." He gasped, falling at Magnus' side to his knees and grabbing Alec's hand, looking over at the warlock, eyes pleading at him to do something. But Magnus couldn't do anything. The calming tonic wasn't working anymore, and his magic simply deflected off of his boyfriend while the curse was embedded in him. Shaking his head slightly, he touched Alec's hair lightly, letting the shadowhunters acknowledge his presence, as hazel eyes locked with his chestnut ones for a moment before screwing shut as he let out the worst scream as of yet.

Magnus shuffled forwards, caressing the man's cheeks in an effort to provide a little comfort, though it seemed pointless. It was clear that Alec was struggling to breathe, on the verge of hyperventilation as his body writhed on the golden sheets.   
"Alexander! Alexander, look at me. I know it hurts darling but you need to breathe okay? Just focus on your breathing." He tried to ignore the blood smudged on his own fingers from touching Alec's face, because if he thought about it then he would be thinking about the fact he had his lover's blood on his hands and right now that was a little too literal of a metaphor for him. 

"Mag- Magnus." Jace's voice was reserved, pain evident, and it took a few moments for the warlock to realise why the boy was grabbing for his attention. His eyes followed Jace's arm to his hand, which was tentatively touching the rune he shared with Alec, that was glowing.

He had seen that most recently, on Alec's hip. The night the parabatai in front of him had died. And this time, there was no angel's wish to bring him back.

But Jace didn't seem to be in quite as much pain as Alec had that night. And Magnus wasn't an expert in parabatai runes, nor blood curses, but he had a feeling that said curse was severely affecting their bond, since Alec was close to- _well_.

Alec was sobbing now, screams catching in his throat as he struggled to inhale, and Magnus quickly turned back to him, trying not to be distracted by the heartbreaking scene of Maryse holding Isabelle into her chest as her daughter cried. The Lightwood daughter was arguably the strongest person he knew, and to see her break like this, was an ode to how truly _terrible_ this was to witness.

Then it was quiet. 

See, Magnus had thought that the sound of Alexander screaming like that was the worst sound he had ever heard. But this, the sound of absolutely nothing, was impossibly worse. The shadowhunter's body was still, deadly still, blood smeared on his face, hands and chest, his lips a crimson colour that looked horrifically unnatural in comparison to his grey-ish skin. His eyes were shut, but there was no movement behind his eyelids and his chest wasn't moving.

_Fuck_.

Isabelle leapt forward out of her mother's arms, not bothering to wipe the tears from her face and she crawled onto the bed and placed her ear to her brother's mouth and grabbed his wrist.

They were all frozen for a few moments, and Magnus could swear none of them breathed.

She recoiled, eyes strangely blank and every muscle seemed tensed.

"No pulse."


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a race against time and a broken promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all. Happy New Year!
> 
> This chapter is a lot, so get ready. Don't be angry at me please.

"No pulse." Isabelle breathed, and for the briefest of moments no one moved. It was as though they hadn't processed what had just been said, and if they had, they didn't believe it. There was no way Alec was dead. Alec was _not_ dead, he couldn't be.

"No." Magnus whispered, looking up at the girl opposite him, "No, no, Isabelle, we have to-"

She leapt forward again, face changing from dull shock to something Magnus could only describe as pure determination, but strained enough to be holding back tears. Kneeling on the mattress, she rolled up the sleeves of her dress and started pressing hard on her brother's chest, causing his lifeless body to jolt with each compression.

Magnus was frozen, unable to help in any way, left to watch on as Isabelle tried to bring life back to the man he loved. In any other circumstance, he would be using his magic to try and restart Alec's heart, but the curse would send any attempt back in his face. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jace on the floor, not in any kind of physical pain - thanks to said curse blocking their connection - but seemingly paralyzed in shock. Maryse had her hands over her mouth, shaking, tear tracks evident on her cheeks, and Magnus couldn't imagine what it must be like to have his child's life hang in the balance.

"Wake up." Isabelle cried, trying to keep her arms steady as she performed CPR, "Wake up, please. You can't leave me." Opening Alec's slack jaw, she bent to give him two breaths before resuming chest compressions.

He wasn't aware he had been crying, but when specks of water hit the sheets Magnus realised he was shaking with sobs, shoulders convulsing as he tried to keep his mouth shut. Why was he _so_ _useless_? "Alexander." He gasped, so very quiet, "Don't you _dare_ give up."

They had more time. They _had_ to have more time. It wasn't supposed to be over yet. 

Alec was a fighter, Magnus knew he would fight until the last second, not for himself, but for everyone in this room. So why, _why_ had his body just given up, when he had perhaps days before the curse reached his heart? Was his suffering so truly _awful_? 

"Damn it Alec! Breathe, breathe, come on!" Isabelle all but screamed, and Magnus' stomach dropped even further, if that was possible. _Oh god_, he thought, _he's not waking up. He's dead. He's really dead._ "Come on." She wept, "Please, big brother." Giving him another breath, she inhaled sharply to regain control before pressing on his chest harder than before, hands shaking with desperation. 

With a frustrated noise in her throat, she pulled back and struck Alec's thorax with both hands, producing a thump as his body lurched. It wasn't productive, but Magnus supposed she could be forgiven for her loss of composure.

Maryse had turned away now, unable to look at the body of her eldest son, and if she was audibly crying Magnus didn't know, as he couldn't really hear anything except the silence where the sound of Alexander's breathing should be. Beside him, Jace sat with his head resting on the bedframe, and though he couldn't hear it, tears visibly stained his face. Magnus reached out to take Alec's limp hand, half blackened by the curse, the rest of the skin unnaturally pale and grey. Lifting it to his mouth, he gasped at how cold the shadowhunter's skin felt on his lips, but pressed a kiss there. 

_Was this goodbye, Alexander?_

"Please don't leave me Alec." He whispered into the man's hand, though he knew full well his words would go unheard. "Wake up. Please. You can't be dead, you can't."

Isabelle hadn't stopped her compressions, if anything they had grown stronger as she became more frantic, desperate for any sign of life. 

And then Alec breathed.

It was more of a wheeze, but it was something. His chest moved on its own, and hazel eyes were open, completely out of focus but there, and it was enough. Because it meant he was _alive_. His body surged, life flowing through it, and he coughed, trying to level his breathing. Isabelle stopped, gasping with strangled joy, pulling her hands away from his torso. Jace was on his feet, looking entirely awful, eyes red and cheeks puffy, but he was smiling so widely, leaping towards the bed with such elation. Their mother was hurrying back towards her son, who appeared completely disoriented. He probably wasn't aware he had just died, even if it was only for a minute or two.

Magnus had felt his heart lodge in his throat when Alec inhaled, blinking quickly as through it was some hallucination or trick of the light. But it was real, his Alec was alive, the previously slack hand he had been holding slipping out of his own as the shadowhunter regained control of his body and moved abruptly. "Alexander." He cried, watching his boyfriend begin to breathe heavily, similarly to how he had been before his heart had stopped. It was far from perfect, but it was enough for now, enough to keep him alive. And that was all the could ask for right now.   
"M'nus?" Alec slurred, still adapting to his surroundings, but looking at him with a sufficient amount of clarity that Magnus knew he was being seen.  
"Hello darling." He knew he sounded teary, and looked rather a mess, but he couldn't find it in himself to care at all when he could see those hazel eyes watching him, a little lost but completely alive.

Alec found the energy to sit up a little, and Magnus couldn't help but reach closer, taking up the hand he had previously been holding and pressing a series of kisses to it. He knew he was still crying, but to be fair to him, everyone else in the room was too, except Alec of course, who looked a little confused. Noticing the tears on Magnus' face, he raised the hand the warlock was not holding to brush the pads of his fingers over his cheeks, brushing away the water that stained them ever so gently. The sweetness of the gesture caused Magnus to cry a little harder.

"What happened?" Alec croaked, looking around at the faces of his family, who all reflected the same expression of pure happiness mirroring over the cracks of devastation. He knew it all too well. Isabelle was the one who answered, coming closer to her brother and perching back down on the bed.  
"Your heart stopped Alec. You were dead. I had to resuscitate you. I honestly didn't think it was going to work, it was taking too long. But you're okay now, you're alive." She smiled, but it faltered a little when Alec didn't manage to return the look.   
"Are you sure it wouldn't have been easier if you'd let me stay dead?" He whispered, and he didn't miss the way Magnus' head snapped up beside him.

Jace and Maryse looked equally as shocked, and Isabelle seemed to be having trouble registering what her brother had just said.  
"Alec." Jace sounded a mixture between angry and concerned, but his parabatai didn't look up. "Alec, hey, look at me man. Why would you think that?"

"It's-" he paused to let out a choked cough, and Magnus didn't miss the blood that painted his boyfriend's fingers. He closed his eyes, holding the hand of Alec's he was grasping tighter. The shadowhunter wiped his mouth, ignoring the eyes on him, and continued as if nothing had happened. "It's not as if I want to die. I don't, really. But I'm going to, if not now, then very soon. And I'd much rather die like this, sure, it hurt, it's- it's awful. I know. But at least I'm still me, at least I have my soul. I can be buried in the City of Bones like a shadowhunter should be. And it will be easier for all of you-"  
"_Easier_?" Magnus cut him off, voice sharp and full of hurt, pulling his hand away from Alec's.

Alec gave a strangled breath, looking pained at the warlock's retraction from him.   
"Magnus-"  
"No, Alexander, don't. How can you think it is anything resembling easy to watch you die? Knowing that we had more time, we could have done more? How do you think that felt for us, for me? I can tell you, because I just witnessed it. I felt like my heart had been pulled out of my chest. Because despite knowing that you may well die in a few days from that curse, every minute is precious. And if we can keep you alive until the last second, we give Catarina as much of a chance as possible to find a cure. I will not give up until the curse has completely destroyed you because I love you, and I cannot fathom the idea of losing you! And today, I did. Even if it was for minute. Nothing about that was easy."

Silence settled over the room, and Magnus suddenly felt very vulnerable. 

"You promised." Alec whispered, looking at him with eyes so sad that Magnus felt all the anger fade from him. "You promised me. You said that-" he stopped for a second, remembering his family's presence in the room. He dreaded to think of their reaction if they found out Alec had asked Magnus to kill him before the curse did.  
"You promised." The shadowhunter knew Magnus understood him.

"No, my love. I didn't." Magnus replied softly. The warlock had learnt over the centuries to be very careful with his promises. Of course, he wanted Alec to be in as little pain as possible, and he truly wished to fulfill Alec's requests, especially if they could well be his last ones. But deep down he knew he may not be capable of killing his love, it would truly destroy him. It was selfish, perhaps, but honest.

Alec looked hurt. Magnus felt awful.

Isabelle stood up, bringing both of their attention back to her. She seemed a little annoyed, perhaps still angry from Alec's earlier words about his resuscitation. 

"If the pair of you are done being cryptic." She frowned, turning towards Maryse. "Mom, I know you want to be here right now, but the Institute needs a leader. I can't- I won't leave Alec, and I trust you. We have to catch the warlock who did this." Maryse seemed hesitant, and she couldn't be blamed. Her son's heart had stopped not ten minutes ago, and he wasn't getting better.   
"Mom, it's okay." Alec smiled, sadness still bleeding from his expression, "A Lightwood needs to be in charge."

She looked as though she was about to cry again, walking over to the bed and placing a kiss on Alec's forehead. "I love you." She whispered, stroking his fringe. "I promise I will be back."  
"I love you too, mom."

With a hesitant smile, she turned, quickly embracing both Isabelle and Jace, and laying a hand on Magnus' shoulder, before taking her leave.

Alec still wasn't looking at Magnus, and the warlock couldn't say he blamed the man. He was hurt, it was understandable. "Alec, you feeling okay man?" Jace sounded concerned, and Magnus realised that Alec was struggling to breathe a little more than usual. He coughed, shaking his head slightly to brush off the attention he was getting, before bringing a hand over his mouth. Magnus could see the blood through his fingers.

Reaching towards his boyfriend, Magnus went to place a hand on Alec's shoulder gently. "Alexander?" He was startled when Alec jerked away from him, wiping his hands off. 

"I'm fine." The shadowhunter spoke stoically, turning away from him and lying down, facing the wall so Magnus could only see the back of his head.

Magnus sank into his chair, trying to ignore the feeling that he had lost Alec already.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> confessions and apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well well, guess who's back.
> 
> I'm very sorry I left you all hanging, but the past few months have been very stressful for me and I really struggled to find inspiration.
> 
> But since well... we're kinda all in lockdown I don't really have an excuse anymore. 
> 
> I wish I could say that this chapter will cheer you up amid all the craziness in the world right now, but it's not very jolly. Then again, there's a really touching malec scene at the end so I guess that's something.
> 
> Stay safe everyone, and stay the fuck home.

"Right, _what_ is going on between you two?" Isabelle grated out as she shut the door behind them, leaving Alec to sleep in peace. Magnus shifted, looking hesitant to tell them the truth, but he knew by now that Lightwoods, biological or not, did not back down. 

He sighed, walking away from the door to draw the pair of them away from the bedroom, not wanting Alec to hear them talking about him. "When you both were asleep, he woke up. He started asking me about how- how the curse would kill him, whether it would be easy or not. I figured I owed him the truth, after all he's been through." Jace opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it after a sharp look from his sister that told him to let the warlock continue. "The truth, as you might have guessed, is not a nice one, nor was the one he was hoping for. Alexander - he asked me to... He asked me to kill him before the blood curse did."

Jace recoiled, and Isabelle froze, shoulders straightening almost unnaturally. "You're kidding." He gaped, face changing from shock to something resembling loose anger. "Magnus, tell me you said no."

In that moment, Magnus couldn't help but feel the urge to side with Alec. Seeing them all fiercely refuse to fulfil his one wish, to grant him the right to die with some semblance of dignity, all because they loved him too much to let him go, made him fully understand Alec's plight to die. Alexander was not only in want of an easier way to die, that preserved his soul, he wanted to make it easier for them, his family, because he loved them all, in the same way Magnus, and Alec's siblings, were refusing because of their love for him. It was a vicious cycle.

Magnus bowed his head slightly, not missing the urgency in their eyes. "He asked me to promise, but I didn't. That's what we were arguing about in there. I'll admit, I said yes, or to be more precise, I nodded, but couldn't promise, and it was more to comfort him. He fell back asleep immediately after. But you have to understand why he asked this of me. The curse won't just stop his heart, simply and easy, it will tear him apart. His body and, more importantly to Alec, his soul."

With a gasp of realisation, Isabelle snapped out of whatever trance she was in. "If his soul was destroyed and poisoned by the curse, he wouldn't be buried in the City of Bones, with our ancestors. Of course he would want to die before that happened."

"You see? As much as I want to fight for him for as long as I possibly can, a part of me cannot deny that Alec has made a very reasonable request. It may be unfair to ask it of me, to ask me to kill the man I love, but if you were in his shoes would you not ask the same? Tell me you wouldn't." Neither of them spoke, eyes cast to the ground. 

Magnus was right. There was no winning with this.

It took a few moments for Isabelle to regain the ability to speak, but when she did, Magnus couldn't help but notice that the last of the flair had drained from her voice. "We don't have long. We- we have to make a decision soon. Do we risk waiting until the last second for Cat to find a cure and potentially let Alec suffer for nothing, or risk Cat finding a cure after we've k- you know what I mean." Jace had become impossibly paler, limbs loose and a look that could only be described as pure devastation carved into his face.

Stepping back, he turned away, running a palm over his mouth and down to his chin, before looking over his shoulder. "I- I don't think I can. I'm sorry, but he's my brother."

Magnus felt pity in his gut, but could not allow himself to dwell on it. Alexander had asked him, not them, and it was his responsibility. 

"Let's focus on looking after him for the time being. This is my burden to bear." He smiled sadly, not quite reaching his eyes, and turned to walk away. A hand grabbed his arm, and by the long nails Magnus could tell it was Isabelle.   
"Don't do that, don't pull away. We are in this together, always. You can't take responsibility for something like that alone. So don't." She spoke quietly, but forcefully, eyes full of intensity. 

Then she smiled, not wide and bright, but genuine, the first real smile the girl had given since this nightmare began, and though it was small, a slight curve of the lips that didn't even show her teeth, paired with damp eyes and pale cheeks, she meant it.

"Alright." Magnus breathed, casting a glance filled with longing at the door to his bedroom, one that did not go amiss. With a stern but shaky look, Jace finally spoke again, still unnaturally pale. "Go and talk to him. You shouldn't be fighting now of all times."  
"That might have been the smartest thing that's come out of your mouth all day, Rapunzel." Magnus chuckled, somewhat lacking in his usual flair, before deflating. "You're right, of course. But I don't know how to fix this."  
"You'll figure it out, Magnus. Besides, I don't think my brother can stay mad at you for any meaningful period of time." Isabelle shrugged, wearing a half- smile. "He loves you far too much."

And with that, she touched his arm, signalling that she wasn't taking any further arguments, before turning on her Louboutin, sending a meaningful glance at Jace who followed her to the kitchen. Letting out a puff of air in touched amusement, Magnus let his legs take him back towards the bedroom, hesitating only momentarily before gently swinging the door open. 

Alec wasn't asleep, but was curled up tight into himself. It appeared he was in a fair amount of pain, and Magnus wished with all his heart that he could do something to help. But alas, yet again he was powerless to alleviating the shadowhunter's torment. Even from the doorway, the warlock could hear Alec's shaking breaths, that were so pained they almost sounded like soft sobs. 

"Alexander?" He spoke softly, somehow finding the ability to cross the room towards the bed. Alec shifted, his head raising to just miss Magnus' eyes, and the hurt in his own was evident. "Oh darling," He sighed, sitting down on the silk sheets. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wish I could help you."   
"You can." Alec's voice was strained, coarse, the usual deep gravelly timbre now raw and interlaced with soreness. "But you've made it clear that you won't."  
"Killing you is not helping. You have to understand that." Hearing the sharpness of his tone, Magnus bowed his head, closing his eyes briefly. When he opened them, his boyfriend had uncurled himself and was weakly shuffling into a sort of raised lying position, but would not meet his careful gaze.

Hazel eyes were blurred with red, the only remaining evidence that the Lightwood boy had perhaps been crying. Alec didn't seem to want to start talking, so Magnus pressed on. "Please, love, I don't want to fight with you, not now. I understand why you've asked this of me, but I need you to appreciate how difficult your request is for me to complete. I love you, and to have to live with the knowledge that your blood is on my hands, despite noble intentions, sounds terrifying. I can't fathom a world without you in it, and I want to keep fighting for you to stay for as long as possible because to give up means giving up on you and I don't know if I'm prepared to do that. I know it's selfish, I do, but dying now doesn't get rid of the pain, it just passes it on to someone else. That being me, and your siblings, your mother and father."

Alec, for the first time since the warlock had entered the room, looked up to meet his eyes. 

"But I also don't fail to comprehend that ending your life may be the kindest thing to do. I don't want you to suffer Alexander, it breaks my heart to see. And I know that I may be sparing you so much more pain if I do this. But what happens if I kill you, and Cat bursts through the door with a cure in hand? What then? Do you understand the conundrum I face?"

For a few moments, it was silent, or as silent as it could be given the state one of them was in. Magnus started to believe for a second that Alec was not going to respond, was going to simply ignore him. And then, he sat up a little straighter, chest shaking with the strain, and let his hazel eyes burn into Magnus' chestnut ones.

"It's okay, I understand. I've been naive to think that what I've asked is simple. My request still stands, but I get why you might not be able to- truth be told I don't know if I could if things were the other way around. And I-" He stopped, heavy coughs replacing his words as blood stained his lips crimson. Magnus watched on in horror, unable to do anything but grab one of the shadowhunter's hands in his own. Once his pained coughs died down, the other gently wiped the colour from his mouth, letting Alec's head fall onto his chest. Instinctively, the older man wrapped his arms firmly around his boyfriend, trying his damned hardest not to cry. 

Running his ringed fingers through Alec's brown hair, he whispered words of comfort, though he knew that truthfully they meant nothing. Alec's breaths were growing more laboured, if that was even possible, and Magnus would gladly give all the air in his lungs just for the shadowhunter to have one easy inhalation."I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Alec mumbled, clinging to his boyfriend as though letting go would cause him to slip from reality.   
"No, my love, why are you sorry?" The warlock pulled Alec gently away from him, ducking his head so that their eyes would meet, and the ones his own connected with were so full of despair.   
"I'm pathetic. I'm a burden" Was all he got in response, and it felt as though vines were constricting around his heart upon hearing those two words. 

_Oh you selfless, beautiful man. Why has the world been so cruel to you?_

But of course, it was not the world. It was the people. It was the mother and father who told their son he was never good enough, the brother who lapped up the praise from said parents and disregarded the way the eldest was treated. It was the shadowhunters who believed that a boy should be punished for his family's sins, who made callous comments about same-sex couples in the hallways of the Institute. It was the political body who raised children to believe they were disposable soldiers whose purpose was to fight for a cause they were told to believe in. 

Yes, some of the aforementioned had made amends, recompensed, but it couldn't fully heal the wounds caused. Alec was forgiving in nature, which explained his newfound relationship with his mother, and of course Jace had never had ill intentions, and loved his brother with all his heart. Alas, it didn't change the past.

"Alexander Lightwood, I need you to hear me when I say this." Magnus cupped his cheeks, running his thumbs back and forth gently. "You are _not_ pathetic. You are the strongest person I know, and the bravest, the wisest, the most compassionate, and kind. You will never be a burden to me, because you have all my love, all my heart, and you deserve that love. In fact, you deserve a love better than mine." A lone tear slipped from Alec's eye, tracing a curve down his cheek before Magnus wiped it away.   
"_I love you._" The shadowhunter whispered hoarsely, eyes pooled with emotion. "And I need _you_ to hear _me_ when I say that your love is more than I could ever ask for. Thank you."

"Oh Alexander. It is _always_ a pleasure." 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the timer runs low and things get worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in three days? Quarantine will do that to you.
> 
> This chapter is not fun, at all. In fact, it may be the most painful one so far. So... Sorry?
> 
> As you also may be able to tell, Alec's time is nearly up, so expect important chapters coming up.
> 
> TW: very brief mention of homophobia and internalised homophobia

Alec Lightwood considered himself to be a decent person.

When it came to him running the Institute, he always tried to be fair, to fight for what's right, damn the consequences. Mistakes had been made, he wouldn't deny that, but he had always tried his hardest. And sure, people hated him for the decisions he had made, his movement for Downworlder equality, but that had never stopped him.

As a brother, he vowed to protect his siblings, whether that was on the field or off. When Isabelle had been arrested and tried for treason, Alec had fought with everything he had to acquit her. He wouldn't have given a damn if the Clave had taken him instead, hell, put him to death, if that meant his sister was left unscathed. As for his brothers, he had always taken the heat for anything Jace and Max had done in their increasingly reckless exploits, because he was their big brother, and he loved them. 

As a son, he had done everything to maintain his parent's reputation. A reputation, he would later discover, that had been shattered long before he had any input on it. Alec had spent his life trying to make up, to atone, for the sins of his parents, sins he didn't even know of, even as his mother and father lectured him on his need to restore glory to the Lightwood name. They had expected him to marry to do just that, something he went and almost did in the belief it would help him reclaim the role of Head of the Institute to a Lightwood at Lydia's side. A political alliance, as shadowhunter marriages often were. 

Being a boyfriend was something Alec was nowhere near as acclimatised to as the aforementioned. Despite only being officially named Head of the Institute recently, he'd been running it for his parents since he was 18. Love, the romantic kind, was new, and had been rather scary for him, especially being newly out in a world where being gay, worse still, dating a Downworlder, were greatly frowned upon. Alec had heard the whispers, the comments that were made behind his back, and he didn't miss how everything he had been working for had slipped that much further away from him. Furthermore, the talk he had heard his entire life lead him to hate who he was, to hide it, and even when not hiding it, to believe that he somehow did not deserve a fulfilling partnership because of it. And all that made allowing himself to fully submerge in his relationship difficult. But he had always tried to be good to Magnus, to give his all, and though he still found it very much difficult to open up and to be honest in how he was feeling, Alec knew that he would give his life for Magnus' in a heartbeat. He had fought for the warlock time and time again, and that, to him at least, seemed to deem him an adequate boyfriend.

Alec didn't deny that his self-worth was entirely lacking. Sure, it wasn't as bad as it had been before Magnus, before becoming Head of the Institute. Even so, sometimes it wasn't enough. 

But _even he_ could say that he didn't deserve this. 

Maybe it wasn't anything to do with him being a respectable person, a competent leader, a loving brother, son and boyfriend. Maybe it was simply the fact that to be condemned to die in this way was cruel beyond measure. 

Or maybe, he did deserve this. Was it not his hand that pulled the heart from Jocelyn Fairchild's chest? Was it not him who allowed Magnus, the man he loved, be tortured in Valentine Morgenstern's body, who didn't tell him about the Soul Sword, that could have wiped out the Downworld? Was it not him who allowed Meliorn to be tortured in the City of Bones, or who didn't notice when his own sister was addicted to Yin Fen? 

_Facilis Descensus Averno_

The descent to hell is easy. A saying Jace and him had used to remind themselves to never be broken. To not let themselves slip from right to wrong, the same way Valentine had, or Hodge, their parents. Alec could not let this destroy him, or the people he loved. 

Time was running short, that much Alec knew. He could see the fear in their eyes grow more and more intense as the hours trickled by. What's more, the stark black lines had dipped below and stretched above his clavicle, decorating his pecs in horrific fashion and curving up his neck like it was attempting to strangle him, blurring with the rune that tattooed his skin. The curse was close to his heart._ It was close to killing him._

And though his companions were far better liars than himself, none of them could hide their growing unease. Isabelle had her nervous ticks, as Alec did, and watching her play with the Adamas whip that was shaped as a bracelet on her wrist, he knew she was worried. Jace was pacing the room, one hand in a tight fist, the other clasping their shared rune, occasionally running one of them through his hair. They were both hovering, close enough to watch over him but at enough of a distance to prevent Alec looking too closely at their faces. _The worry_ on their faces.

Magnus, however, was unable to stay away. He was sat in the armchair that was pulled up to the bed, a spell book open on his knee, that was shaking beyond his control. Though he knew magic did little to nothing while Alec was cursed, he was still clinging to the thread of hope that he would find something, _anything_, to help. However, the warlock spent far more time watching his boyfriend than reading the contents of the text. Alec was slipping in and out of consciousness, but Magnus could tell that when the shadowhunter was awake, he was studying them carefully. 

That was Alexander to a point. Lying in a bed, on the verge on death, worrying about the other people in the room. _Alec Lightwood was always the one worrying about the other people in the room. _

The atmosphere was tense, too tense. They were all on edge, knowing that time was short. 

"Magnus?" Isabelle's voice was strained, a higher pitch than he was used to hearing from her. "A word?" Raising an eyebrow, he pressed a gentle kiss to Alec's limp hand, getting to his feet. Jace didn't seem fazed, perhaps too lost in his own thoughts to question their movement. Closing the door behind them, the warlock turned to the girl.  
"Is everything alright?" He chuckled at his own words briefly, but there was no humour behind it. "Forgive me, is everything alright, _given the circumstances?_"  
"How long, Magnus? How long does he have left?"

And there it was, the question they hadn't dared to ask. Magnus was not sure if he could bear to speak the answer aloud. But he feared that if he did not, he would never come to accept it.

"He's strong, so strong, but soon he- he won't be able to fight anymore." Turning his head, he could see the sun setting through the windows. "He may not make it through the night."  
"So he has.. _hours_? By the angel. Magnus please, you have to call Cat, or.. or go and help her." Isabelle grabbed his shoulders forcefully, "I- I can't lose him Magnus, I can't, you don't understand-"  
"_I_ don't understand? Is that what you really think? Isabelle, I have spent the past few days desperately trying to save your brother's life! You know that I love him, with everything I have, and losing him will destroy me. So do not tell me that I do not understand." Magnus' voice sharp, almost pained at the suggestion, and Isabelle could tell he was desperately trying to keep his emotions in check. 

Through the entirety of this mess, the warlock had remained the most stoic, at least from what the Lightwood girl had seen. Perhaps he saw it as his duty to work hard to help Alec, regardless of how he was feeling. Maybe it was an attempt to stay focused. Or, as Isabelle feared it may be, it was Magnus knowing that if he let his feelings surface, he would shatter. Like a single crack appearing in a frozen over river, and then being submerged in the icy water.

The young shadowhunter opened her mouth to argue, then immediately closed it, bowing her head. "I'm sorry, I know. I'm just- I'm terrified."  
"Me too, Isabelle. Me too. But, you have to know, in these last few hours, it's going to get far worse."  
"How much worse? Please, be honest with me." She whispered, chestnut eyes glassy, teeth biting into her bottom lip a little too firmly to be comfortable. "Because I've seen a lot of things Magnus, maybe not as much as you, but I am a shadowhunter. And nothing has come close to being as- as terrible as this. So how much worse is it going to get?"

For a moment, Magnus pondered his answer. In all honesty, he wasn't sure exactly _how_ bad things were going to be in Alec's last night. In the few cases he had seen, the effects of the curse varied, but the one thing they had in common was that they destroyed the body, the soul, and the mind. Some had been arguably worse than others, but all were terrible. _Truly_ _terrible_. 

"I couldn't tell you, my dear, but all I can say is that even if Catarina does find a cure, Alexander- he may never be the same. Wounds can be healed, but the mind? Often not."

If Isabelle was going to respond, it was cut off by a bloodcurdling scream, one that they had heard several times in the past few days. Magnus wished he could say that made it any easier to hear, but alas, it did not. His stomach lurched, almost as if he was about to throw up, and he flung the door open with his magic, met with the image of Alec writhing abhorrently in their bed, blood dripping from his chin, screams falling from his mouth with no control. Jace was by his side, one hand on their rune, and Magnus could see the light from it shining through the blonde's fingers. 

The curse itself was blocking the connection between the parabatai, making it all the more terrifying for Jace. He couldn't shoulder any of his brother's pain, didn't truly know what Alec was feeling or even, really, if he was alive, which was why the boy had been watching Alec so intently each time he slipped from consciousness. 

Izzy didn't hesitate to rush over to the bed, taking one of her brother's hands in her own, but Magnus felt rooted to the spot. It was not the first time Alec had been in this way, but for some reason, this was the time that may break him. Alexander, _his Alec_, was screaming, begging for help, choking on his own blood. His strong, fearless Shadowhunter, who seemed to be afraid of nothing but his own mind, was being torn apart like a ragdoll by this curse, and that, more than anything, could be a testament to how _awful_ a blood curse was. 

The cracks in Magnus' facade were beginning to show. He feared he couldn't preserve this pretence of strong will any longer. 

_Alec was dying._ And Magnus was dying alongside him.

Finally finding the ability to move, he all but staggered towards the bed, deciding to take the side where the others were not. Summoning a piece of parchment and a quill to his hand, trying to dim the sound of Alec's screams long enough to write out a very shaky message to Catarina.

_Cat, please hurry. He has hours._

It disappeared in a flurry of fire, and Magnus could pull his attention back to the man in front of him. Tears burned down the shadowhunter's face as blood stained his lips, chest and the sheets a deep red, and it couldn't possibly get any worse than this moment.

As if Lilith herself had heard his thoughts, a new sound echoed through the room. A loud, painful _crack_, and then Alec was yelling out at an even greater volume, a pitch higher. Isabelle jumped back, immediately letting go of her brother's hand, and it took Magnus a moment to figure out why. His right arm was bent at an awkward angle, clearly broken. 

"What the hell." Jace spluttered, eyes red and now filled with a horrified confusion. 

Another scream, and this time it was his left foot that was twisted out of place. 

"Magnus, what's happening?" It was Isabelle that brought him out of his trance, hesitant to touch Alec again, hands now gripping the sheets.  
"The curse- it's tearing him apart." Magnus spoke frantically, eyes flitting everywhere. The warlock was fracturing. 

"Magnus!" Alec sobbed, focusing the man's eyes finally, on the shadowhunter. "Please, please..."   
_'Help me'_ went unspoken, but it was there, a desperate plea. And his heart shattered like glass.

_Oh Alexander, I would give you the world. But I cannot give you peace._

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, forgive me." He mumbled, feeling his cheeks dampen, but he didn't care. Alec cried out, coughing up another mouthful of blood.

And for the first time in his long life, Magnus closed his eyes and prayed to the Angel.


	15. Chapter Fifteenth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loss of control and a chance to catch the culprit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so awful to write Alec in pain, and yet I can't complain because I'm choosing to write it.
> 
> Some fun developments in this one, though it's certainly not a very happy chapter. I don't think any of you are surprised at this point.
> 
> I also would like to say thank you so much for all the lovely comments you all leave on each chapter, I can't express how much it means. You all melt my heart :')

There were some scenarios in life where time seems to slow, where each second is painfully stretched out, and whatever is happening appears to never end. Watching Alec in sheer agony was certainly one of those scenarios.

This time, however, it really wasn't stopping.

Despite how _truly horrific_ it was to witness, in reality, only a few minutes passed during each episode. That may be because Alec's body couldn't handle any more, or perhaps that the curse liked to torture its victim in short, powerful bursts of agony. But now, something was different. It was usually over by now, and yet it continued on. And they were all aware of it.

"Magnus, why- why is it still..?" Jace could barely form the words, looking as though he was on the verge of unconsciousness, and the warlock could hardly blame him. It was taking everything in his power not to retch at the sight of the man he loved coughing up mouthfuls of blood onto the silk sheets and screaming out as his bones were being snapped.   
"I don't think it's going to stop." He replied, so softly that it almost went unheard, eyes never leaving Alec's face. 

Isabelle's attention moved to him in an instant, not missing what he said, _damn shadowhunter runes._ If she was going to question him further, it was cut off by a particularly resounding cry from her brother, and a nauseating series of _cracks_ as each of Alec's fingers were broken, one after the other, followed by the wrist that was still intact. 

In defiance of the knowledge that his magic was ineffective, Magnus forced every drop of magic he could find into Alec, and despite feeling the resistance, continued on, trying desperately to heal the breaks that now littered his boyfriend's body. "Come on," the warlock whispered, "please."  
The more magic he let flow through himself and into the shadowhunter, the more impedance he felt, soon unable to do anything but let himself fall backwards to the floor. 

The magic he was using circulated back into himself, and feeling his torment, feeding on it, sparked up again, surging through him like an electrical charge. It had taken Magnus many years to get his emotions fully in check, so that his magic was not interfered with. But sometimes, against his best efforts, his feelings were too strong, far too strong to suppress, and his magic would flair, uncontrollable. And right now, his emotions were so vehement, so intense, it seemed to burn through him, fizzling to every nerve ending, ringing in his ears and reverberating through his head. It consumed him, like the fires of Edom, pain so tenacious that it filled his entire being. 

The room was shaking, vases and glass shattering and Magnus knew it was him, it was his fault. The warlock's magic was out of control, it was besieged by the anger and the anguish he couldn't shake. Darkness submerged the room, then light prevailed, over and over again as the light fitting and lamps flickered, and gusts of wind spun like a cyclone around the room.

"Magnus!" It was Isabelle's voice that brought him back close to the surface of reality, but he still could not break through. "Magnus, you need to calm down!" She was growing more frantic, the bedroom now quaking as though the earth beneath them was turning. 

  
_"You're going to hurt Alec!"_

  
His magic, above all, listened to his heart. It was a peculiar thing, but he supposed it made sense. It was a part of him, entwined into his soul, filling every cell in his body and clinging to his skin. Magnus did not view his magic as a thing, it was _alive_, palpitating, it was conscious, and knowing. The two were welded together, combined into one person. That was why some spells worked better on certain people, like Alec, or Cat, because it knew and trusted them, and more importantly, bonded to them. Magnus' love was understood, and replicated.

Which may explain why upon hearing those words, he could immediately feel the power shooting through him fizzle out, the flame was extinguished. His magic waned, anger and pain being displaced by a sudden wave of worry.

When Magnus had first met Alec, he knew that he had to be careful with him. Not that the shadowhunter was fragile, no, and despite his lack of experience, the man was far from virginal, he had seen far too much to be that. But there was so much _goodness_ in him, and altruism, with that heart wrenching naivety that came with being so inexperienced with relationships and his identity as a whole. And Magnus remembered thinking, and it may have been on his balcony the night that Alec had come to his apartment to stutter an apology for his treatment over Jace's disappearance, _oh you sweet boy, I must be gentle with your heart._

Hurting Alec was something he swore to never do, and though he had tried, he knew there was times he had. But it had never, ever, been with malicious intent. And never intentional. However, knowing that he could bring Alec physical pain, that was something he could not process. 

The room had stopped shaking, and Magnus felt himself crumple, feeling entirely drained. Isabelle was by his side in an instant, and the ringing in his ears had dissipated, being replaced, yet again, by the strangled screams of his lover. He wasn't sure it was much better. In fact, it was far worse, since upon blinking a few times to clear his focus, he could see the panic in Alec's eyes as a result of what Magnus had caused. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He babbled, wanting to lift himself up to check on the shadowhunter, but his limbs felt so heavy and to touch Alec may cause the man more pain due to the injuries caused by his curse.   
"It's okay Magnus, it's okay." The Lightwood girl whispered, holding him tightly, and the love he felt in his heart for his friend could not have been any greater. 

Alec's cries had grown quieter, his breathing slowing as he tried to control it. He was clearly still in unimaginable pain, as anguished noises were escaping his mouth, but he was shifting himself, although it clearly was afflicting him further, turning towards the two on the floor. It took the warlock a few moments to realise what the man was doing. "Magnus." He forced out, concern evident in his voice despite everything.

It took everything Magnus had in him not to break down, because Alexander, this selfless, benevolent and _truly wonderful_ man, was causing himself more pain just to check on him. He had fallen back into the sheets, letting out a sob of agony but continuing to look over at his boyfriend. 

Finding the strength to rise to his knees, Magnus went to grab Alec's hand, before retracting quickly, not wanting to hurt him further. "I'm sorry, my love, I'm sorry. I'm okay." His voice was rough, sounding unnatural, and their eyes met for a brief moment, a look filled with _so much_ that Magnus couldn't possibly explain. And then Alec was choking, crimson red staining his perfect lips, then his chin as it ran from his mouth. "Magnus..." He managed, so very quiet, as a lone tear rolled down his cheek, shattering the warlock's heart. 

Lifting his hand, Magnus cupped Alec's face, using his thumb to brush the teardrop away with a feather light touch. He tried to ignore his chipped away polish where he had picked at it anxiously, and the blood that was lodged underneath his nails. _Alec's_ blood. The thought had him swallowing the urge to vomit. His palm only made contact with the shadowhunter's skin for a few moments, before the man on the bed lurched, a scream falling from his lips. With a gut wrenching _crack_, his right foot broke, and he cried further.

"Please, please." He gasped, and this time his pleads were different. There was a shift in his voice, one that only the people in the room would be able to pick up on. Alec was no longer begging for help. _He was begging for them to kill him. _

Then, without warning, his eyes rolled back and he went limp.

For a second, they froze, believing yet again the curse had stopped his heart, before they saw the shaky, but there, rise and fall of Alec's chest. It was Jace that spoke first, eyes a nasty red and tears dripping from his chin, in a voice that sounded so unlike him that if Magnus was not looking at the boy, he would not have been able to identify it as his. 

"What happened? Is he-"  
"I don't think his body could handle the pain. He's unconscious, which may be a small mercy." Magnus replied, still fatigued from his magic depletion. "Because the moment he regains consciousness it will hurt him as we just saw."   
"You said before that you didn't think it was going to stop." Her words were said in a way that led Magnus to believe Isabelle had wanted to bring this up for some time, likely since he first mentioned it.  
"Yes. The curse is at its endpoint. I believe it may continue to torture him until he... Until he dies."

Magnus grabbed the rag from beside the bed and tenderly wiped the blood from Alec's face and chest, sweeping across his lips a moment longer than necessary, before dropping it in the bowl of water and using the limited magic he could find in himself to change the sheets. His head snapped up again when he noticed Jace pull out his stele and sitting beside his brother. Isabelle observed this also, and was the first to speak up.  
"Jace, what are you doing?"   
"He has at least fourteen broken bones Iz. He must be in agony from that alone. Magnus can't heal him, so I thought-"  
"It could hurt him! We don't know what activating his runes might do."   
"I saw him use his stele more than once at the Institute when he must have already been cursed. In front of me, where he couldn't hide if something happened."

The warlock pondered his words for a moment, considering whether it was a worthwhile risk. It was true that he could do nothing to heal Alec, and the possibility of relieving some of his pain was certainly appealing. But even if he had been able to use runes, that was days ago. Who knew if they would even still work? 

"Magic is demonic, as warlocks are demon-blooded. Runes rely on angelic power. It is conceivable that the blood curse may not be able to interfere with them. But it is entirely possible that I am wrong and it could make things worse for Alexander-"  
"_Worse_? Tell me Magnus, how is Alec going to get any worse? Because the only thing I can possibly say is worse than this is dying. Hell, I think I'd much rather die than go through what Alec is right now. And even if it wasn't, he's going to die in a few hours anyway if we don't find a cure." Jace fumed, and Magnus conceded, though worry still flared inside of him. Raising his stele to Alec's lower side, he lit up the iratze and held his breath. 

Alec's more obviously broken limbs seemed to visibly reform to their correct position, and Magnus let out a sigh of relief. It was Isabelle who checked his injuries, as she was medically trained. She gently held his wrist, moving his fingers slightly, before inspecting his ankles. With a non-committal tilt of her head, she looked up at the two men. "I'd need an x-ray to be sure, but the breakages seem to have healed." Jace let his face morph into a teary half-smile that seemed more like a grimace, but they needed to take small victories. 

Magnus, however, although pleased with this development, felt uneasy, beyond the expected. Something about this seemed different. He chewed on his bottom lip, smoothing out the silk sheets and combing through Alec's fringe. "I've seen blood curses before, not many, but this... I don't know what it is, but somehow it seems worse. In fact, now I think about it, each curse I've seen has been different. None have been as awful as this one, but terrible in their own right. I'm starting to wonder if perhaps it relates to the warlock who performs the spell." 

Jace and Isabelle seemed lost, and he could hardly blame them. It made little sense to him, even as it came out of his own mouth.

"Blood curses are not just simple incantations, they're deep, dark magic. It isn't just putting a spell on someone, you are using your magic to force the life out of them. I believe that perhaps the magic isn't simply used, it's intertwined into the victim, flowing through them. It tethers you. In essence, _you are_ the curse, poisoning them. If that is the case, the curse could be more powerful if the warlock themselves is more powerful." Magnus' face reflected careful realisation, and if he was right on this, he was on to something very important. "If her magic does flow through Alexander, if they are bound, we can grab hold of that leash, and we can find our warlock."

The siblings looked at each other, cautious to show any optimism in capturing the warlock who did this to their brother. It was something they both wanted, second only to curing Alec, but they were realists. Both wanted to be sure it was truly possible.

"I want to find her as much as you do Magnus, but is right now the time? We should be focusing on Alec, the Institute is handling searching for her. Besides, you can't use your magic on Alec, so how are you going to trace her anyway?" Isabelle was looking at him with sad, almost pitying eyes.   
"This may be our only time. This tether will only be intact when the blood curse is present. Whether Alexander survives or not, in a few hours it will be gone. The Institute has been completely unsuccessful in finding her, and it will remain that way. You cannot deny that we _need_ this, we need to find who did this. For Alec. And for ourselves. As for the magic," He titled his head, fiddling with the rings on his finger. "We may not need it. In this case, her magic is present in Alexander, if I'm correct. It's a physical manifestation of it. Meaning that it's possible that it can be tracked by a shadowhunter, the same way you found my lair after I gave Clary my button in Pandemonium. Since Jace is Alexander's parabatai, it would strengthen the tracking. I'm not saying it will work, but it's a theory."

Jace nodded, a look of determination crossing his face. "It's a theory we can test. Find her location, sent it to the Institute, let them handle it for now. I'm not leaving him."

"None of us are. But if we can help bring the bitch who did this to my brother in, all the better." Isabelle spoke sharply, malice clear in her words.

Magnus looked down at the man lying on the bed, and couldn't help but agree. 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> favours and old friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, back again.
> 
> Too much talking in this one, and not very much malec I'm afraid. Though there are 4 new characters we meet, and I had fun writing them. 
> 
> This chapter is important for the story so I hope you can forgive the minimal malec. I do argue that malec is mentioned a fair bit.
> 
> I also hate my writing in this chapter, but if I tried to rewrite it I would never get it done in any way I like, so here we are.

"Are we sure about this?" Isabelle breathed, both of her hands clasped around one of her brother's. 

Alec was still comatose, and they were all glad of it, for they knew once he regained consciousness, his ordeal would continue. Even so, Magnus could see the shadowhunter's eyes flutter behind their lids, and he feared that the man was not experiencing anything resembling peace. Running his fingers ever so gently through Alec's hair, he looked up at her.  
"This may be our only chance. You know as well as I do that I would never endanger Alexander further. Or at all."  
"I know, of course Magnus." She fumbled over her words, which was so unlike the girl he knew that it wrenched at his heart. "But... I don't think I trust the Institute to bring her in."

At that, the warlock's eyebrows shot up. He was well aware that the Lightwoods especially were not blindly loyal to the Clave as many shadowhunters were, but to hear that Isabelle did not have faith in her fellow soldiers' ability startled him more than it should have. Yes, she and her brothers were firm believers in equality and doing what was right, and also were pragmatic and realistic people, but that didn't mean that they were not proud of what they did. Shadowhunting, to them, was an honour, an art, and for her to suggest that it wasn't enough was to him, monumental.

Seeing his expression, Isabelle flushed, struggling to articulate what she meant. "I didn't mean- New York is one of the best in the world, and I believe in the Institute Alec has created, but this may our only shot at finding this warlock. And if she is as powerful as you predict, I think it's too risky. We need people who can, without doubt, bring her in. And as acting Head of the Institute, I'm making the call I believe is right, and that is to find someone better."

If Magnus did not have centuries of practice in maintaining his composure, he would have gaped at her words. There was very few examples he could pinpoint that made him feel this way, something he could only describe as _hope_. Hope that the Clave could one day truly change, led by people like this, like Alexander and Isabelle, who believed in doing what was right for everyone, not just themselves. Perhaps then things would be different, the past not forgotten, but the future rewritten. 

He prayed with everything he had that Alec would live to see that day. That they would bring it about _together_.

Truthfully, Magnus knew that she was doing this for somewhat selfish reasons, to avenge her brother, but it showed possibility. And having known his fair share of shadowhunters over his long life, that in itself was enough.

"I think you're right, my dear." He nodded, head turning to the door as Jace walked through it, adamas stone in hand, looking rather terrified. "I have an idea, but we'll wait and see if this works beforehand." She tilted her head down in response, before letting up on Alec's hand and rising to her feet, leaving the seat for Jace to occupy. He gave her a shaky smile before sinking into said chair, taking his parabatai's hand and holding the stone between the two of them. Letting out a rough exhale, he looked up at Magnus.   
"He's turbulent, it's gonna be hard to focus, pinpoint her location."  
"Just try your best." Isabelle spoke softly, now beside Magnus at the other side of the bed. Nodding with determination, he closed his eyes, using his other hand to pull his stele from his pocket and activate his tracking rune. 

The blood curse had been blocking the connection between the two of them, but this was different. It seemed tracking was a loophole, for channelling his parabatai to locate their warlock allowed Jace to feel something of what Alec was going through. 

"By the Angel." He gasped, a tear falling from his eye, almost doubling over. Pain ebbed through him, and Jace couldn't tell if it was physical or emotional, all he knew it that it was nearly unbearable. And if that was how he was feeling, he couldn't imagine how Alec was feeling. Isabelle and Magnus were looking at him with concern in their eyes, knowing that the blonde was replicating only a miniscule amount of the torment being experienced by the eldest Lightwood. 

Gritting his teeth, Jace screwed his eyes shut and exhaled, trying with all he had to calm his mind. He was a shadowhunter, he had been training, albeit under the guide of a homicidal maniac, since he could hold a sword. And if Valentine had taught him anything, it was to always be the best. Despite loathing that man with everything he had in him, Jace took this moment to thank him for instilling that drive, because without it he wasn't sure he would be able to do this. 

He could see it, so close to him, he just needed to grab it. For _Alec_.

Snapping his eyes open, he gasped, dropping the stone to the floor. Alec's body lurched from the breaking of the connection, before going still again on the bed. Magnus met Isabelle's glance for the briefest of seconds, communicating without words, before she rounded the bed to support Jace who looked ready to slip out of consciousness. In the same instance, Magnus stepped forward and knelt onto the bed, cupping his boyfriend's face, checking his breathing and that the shadowhunter was not further injured. 

"Jace?" Magnus looked up, now sure that Alec was unharmed.  
"I'm fine." He replied, panting slightly, touching Isabelle's shoulder lightly to assure her. "I got it. I know where she is. Do you have a world map?"

The warlock nodded quickly, waving a hand. A scroll floated to the floor and unrolled, revealing a detailed map. Jace didn't hesitate to drop to the floor, eyes searching, as his sister knelt beside him, teeth pinching into her bottom lip. "There." He pointed, finger landing in the southwest of Alaska.   
"Kusilvak?" Magnus questioned, summoning a sheet of parchment and quill to his hand.  
"Yeah. St Mary's. I can give you a pretty precise location, but I couldn't get any closer or I think I would have hurt him. Should we call the Institute?"  
"No." The Lightwood girl spoke sharply, looking up at Magnus, and he took that as his queue to explain his aforementioned plan. 

"I have some favours." Is all he says, forgetting for a moment that neither of them are particularly used to the way the warlock community worked. He could be forgiven for it, given the scenario and the fact that the only shadowhunter he really mentioned warlock politics to was Alec, who had a fair understanding of Magnus' world by now. Catching the unsure expressions on his companions' faces, he flicked his wrist to make the map disappear and started to write out his fire messages, not wanting to waste time. "Most warlocks already have more money and jewels than they could ever need. Instead, we trade in favours. One person gets what they require, and the other has the right to call on the other whenever they need. If I can convince them to turn a fellow warlock over to the Clave, this will be our best shot. We don't know who we're going up against, so the more warlocks, the better. I want to go too-"

"I don't think so." Isabelle cut him off, now back on her feet.   
"I'm sorry?"  
"Magnus, I appreciate how powerful you are, but are you in the right mindset? You caused an earthquake in here not ten minutes ago. Can you honestly tell me you're in control enough to do an arrest? Of the person who did his to Alec? If you can say that, fine, I'm not a warlock, I don't know your magic,"   
"No, you don't. I _need_ to help, Isabelle." His voice sounded strained as he stood again, and she wasn't sure she'd ever seen him like this before, and if she was scared before, Magnus' facade shattering made it worse.   
"Don't you see how much you're helping him here Magnus? My brother loves you, and I can physically see how it calms him to have you by his side. You know what, I think he would've given up already if it wasn't for you."

Magnus looked at her with glassy eyes, unable to express the feeling in his heart at her words. It almost hurt, _no_, it hurt _terribly_, and yet there was a warmth upon hearing her words. Truth be told, if he accompanied his warlock associates in capturing their target, he could not trust himself not to kill her, intentional or not. And though Lilith knows, she would deserve it, the Clave wanted to question her, and well, so did he. 

"Alright." was all he said.

With a streak of fire, his four messages departed. He had chosen those who not only owed him favours, but also would be more inclined to help than others. Shadowhunters were not in many warlocks' good graces. Magnus hoped that Alec's relationship with him and the work done for Downworld equality would increase the chances of them agreeing to help, though the binding favour should, in theory, do that anyway.

Their replies were almost instantaneous, as favours were regarded as of most importance, something Magnus was thankful for. Cleaning himself up with a flurry of magic, he turned to Jace and Isabelle, who had returned to Alec's bedside. "Stay in here. Jace, can you write down where our warlock will be found, as much detail as you can please." 

Walking to the mirror, he nodded approvingly at his reflection. This was the Magnus Bane his guests would know. Gold eyeliner, hair in a quiff with crimson streaks, a purple shirt embroidered with silver that was a _touch_ sheer. It was almost as though the past week had never happened. If only these events could be washed away with a perfectly styled outfit. Magnus could fix the world.

Taking the paper from the blonde, he let his eyes hover over Alec for a moment, letting his free hand ghost over the man's cheek, before turning on his heel and leaving the room, closing the door softly behind him. 

If was not long before the portals were opening outside his door, and Magnus of course was not rude enough to make them have to knock, sending a pulse of magic to let them in. In any other scenario, he would be quite pleased to see his old friends, if he could call them that, but alas this was business. "Oreon." The silver haired man smiled, never having been affectionate enough for hugs. "Keavana."  
"Magnus, mon chérie, it has been too long." She kissed his cheek enthusiastically. It was fair to say that she had always been the closest to him of the four.  
"Indeed it has. Augustine, Xyla, welcome." The latter shook his hand, a gentle smile on her youthful face, though Augustine made no effort to greet him. 

"I would offer you all a drink, but I'm afraid we don't have much time. Thank you for coming on such short notice. I don't know if any of you are aware of my relationship with-"  
"That Lightwood? Oh, it's all anyone talks about. Magnus Bane has gone and fallen in love with a shadowhunter. You can imagine the scandal." Xyla mused, a margarita now in her hand as she seared herself on the couch. "I hope he's cute, Magnus, because I don't think I could do with the headache of it without a pretty face to look at." There was a chuckle from a few of his visitors, and despite the situation he found himself rolling his eyes.   
"Of course he's pretty, Xy, Magnus has always been a stickler for a bit of eye-candy. Though he insists it's all about the soul." Keavana winked, and Magnus just wants to scream. He can take banter, hell, he's the king of it, but not right now.   
"A good soul is fine, but a good-"

_"Someone put a blood curse on him." _

The room goes quiet. For a moment, there was dead silence, and Magnus could hear the mumbles of the shadowhunters from next door.   
"Oh _Magnus_." The glass was gone from her hand as Xyla rose to her feet with admirable grace. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have joked."   
"I called you here because I know where the warlock who did this is, she was tracked through the curse, and we - _that being Alec's siblings and I_ \- do not believe a few shadowhunters will be enough to bring her in."  
"So you want us to arrest her instead?" Augustine spoke for the first time, his voice deep and full of intensity. 

Bowing his head, Magnus grimaced. "Yes. I understand it is a lot to ask of you to deliver a fellow warlock to the Clave, but this is the woman who cursed Alexander, I-"  
"I'll do it." Keavana cut him off, a fierce expression imprinted on her face. "I would have done it favour or not. I can tell by your words that you love him, mon cher ami. I am sorry that you will lose him, so the least I can do is bring the bitch to justice." 

Before he had a chance to even smile in gratitude, or demand that Alec will live, Xyla was stood beside them.   
"And I, Magnus. All things considered it is the just thing to do."  
"Count me in." Oreon spoke next, though sounding less enthused than his predecessors. "I have heard of the work this Lightwood is doing. He seems decent. Decent people don't deserve to die like this. Anyone who curses a good man should face punishment. Even Clave punishment."

This was all going a lot smoother than Magnus had predicted, and he was starting to wonder if he had gotten things wrong. Clearly even as a shadowhunter, Alec was respected, and their relationship was respected. Perhaps he himself was liked more than he believed, as he had always assumed his popularity was based on his ability to throw a good party and have a good time, not that people were genuinely loyal to him. 

Finally, Augustine was on his feet, looking as though he hadn't decided his answer even as he began to speak. "People have spoken of you and your shadowhunter. They say that at one of Rey's parties you managed to destroy another warlock's portal even while your magic was out of control to protect him and a youngling. Something I, or any warlock I could name, would never have the strength to do. If he is worthy enough for you to protect so fiercely, then I believe he is worthy enough for me to fight for. I will help." 

Magnus let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, bring a hand to grasp a necklace lying on his chest. "Thank you. All of you. It means more than you know." 

Handing Keavana the slip of parchment Jace had scribbled on, he turned to face them all. "That's her location, or as close as Alec's parabatai could get. Send her to the New York Institute."  
"I thought you would be accompanying us on this endeavour, Magnus, since you have a personal stake in this." Oreon frowned, taking the paper from the red-haired warlock, reading it over quickly.  
"Ah, that is exactly why I will not be taking part in this. I find I am struggling to control my magic when things get too intense and I would not want to dwindle the likelihood of success." They all looked at him with raised eyebrows, and Magnus wondered if he'd said something improper. 

It was Xyla who cared to explain, her voice sounding far more pitying than he was used to. "_Magnus Bane_, losing control of his magic? You are far gone for this boy, aren't you? He must have a tight grip on your heart. I'm so sorry, my friend, I wish there was a way for us to help him. How long does he have?" Swallowing thickly, he closed his eyes, not wanting to seem weak in front of his peers.   
"Hours." was all he managed, and their faces fell further. 

"Oh Magnus." Keavana whispered, "We will find her, and though I reproach the Clave's justice system, this time and this time only I hope they make her suffer." 

They did not stay much longer, their exits far more sombre than their arrivals, and despite everything Magnus found himself feeling far more loved than he had not ten minutes before. If seemed people cared for him more than he had realised. Or perhaps he simply had very good taste in men. Good, honest, respectable men who seem to be well-loved enough to have the support of even those who had a - _reasonably understandable_ \- dislike towards their kind. No, Magnus _absolutely_ had good taste in men, because he was dating Alec Lightwood, and Alexander was undoubtedly an incredible person. 

He was ready to collapse into a chair when a strangled scream echoed through the loft, ringing through Magnus' head.

Alec was awake. 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fevers and too much blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello again.
> 
> Lockdown is draining my inspiration it sucks.
> 
> I'm pretty sure torturing my favourite character is my only personality trait at this point, so look forward to more pain in this chapter.
> 
> Anyhow, hope you enjoy.

Magnus rested his forehead against the door of his bedroom for a moment as he closed it, knowing that once he turned around he would be faced with the image that was already burned behind his eyelids. He was exhausted, not having slept for however long it had been since Alec had collapsed in his office. _Days_? The warlock was unsure, though it seemed as though it was forever and yet time was moving too fast. 

Perhaps he was running on pure adrenaline, or maybe his body refused to shut down while Alec was in this condition. Either way, it was too late to consider any kind of rest, since they were so close to the conclusion, which ever direction that went. But afterwards, Magnus didn't imagine he would be doing much sleeping if the unthinkable happened. 

Of course, there were ways to stay awake, potions that could keep him attentive way into the following week. Even mundanes had their ways, pills and such, though it was frowned upon. Alas, he supposed that if someone wanted to avoid sleep for days on end, they wouldn't really care what other people thought of them. The potions in question were not particularly good for anyone, eventually the recipient would crash, and the strain on the body ultimately would do more harm than good. Still, taking one that would keep him awake until at least the morning wouldn't be _too_ awful. 

That, however, was a thought for another time, since Alec's screams were drumming into his ears. With a shaking exhale, he turned on his heel, almost visibly flinching when he saw the shadowhunter. This time he had to be strong, he couldn't risk endangering Alec further, and he could really do without magic depletion to add to his fatigue. Finding his centre, Magnus pulled his magic into himself, focusing it into a tight ball and tethering it, binding it so that it wouldn't escape. 

"He's burning up." Isabelle shouted, loud enough to be heard over her brother's cries, and she was right. Before now, his body had been trying to keep an equilibrium by performing extreme vasodilation, to the point where his skin was cold, almost icy, to touch. However, it appeared whatever methods that had been put in place were no longer working, because his fever had finally pushed through. Though the shadowhunter was still layered in sweat as previously, his face and body were now flushed, and as Magnus managed to find his feet and approach the bed to take Alec's hand, the heat radiating off of it was apparent. 

The charcoal colour that had begun at Alec's fingertips, complementary to the discoloured veins and arteries that mapped his skin, had now reached midway to the knuckles, almost similar in nature to the symptoms of _la chair brûlée_. Magnus rather wished that was what his boyfriend was afflicted with, because at least he knew the cure, or rather the solution, to that. 

Alec was hyperventilating, struggling to find time to breathe between his cries of agony. Instinct told the warlock to try to help him calm, but he knew that at this point there was little chance his boyfriend was lucid enough to absorb anything he was saying, not to mention it would perhaps be a little condescending to ask the man to focus on his breathing when he was in so much pain. Instead, Magnus was yet again left helpless to do anything but hold Alec's quivering hand and run his other through the shadowhunter's hair, flat against his scalp from being damp.

His temperature was worrying, far too warm, and if this was just the start he might overheat long before the curse got around to stopping his heart. Magnus was sure he had an elixir somewhere that could reduce his fever, and though it may have no effect there was little else he could do. He would have to try. 

"I'll only be a second." Magnus spoke firmly to the two rather pale looking shadowhunters opposite him, not wanting to leave Alec any longer than strictly necessary, but if it meant potentially prolonging how much time the man had left he would do so. As he went to stand, the grip his boyfriend had on his hand tightened, and his cries died just for a moment while he forced out a single, vulnerable "_Don't_."

Magnus' heart wrenched, because with a singular word Alec had begged him to stay, to not leave him, and the warlock would be damned if he couldn't fulfil his wish. "Alright, I'm not going anywhere, okay?" He assured the troubled man. "I promise." Alec managed to nod in response, and then he was sobbing again, curling in on himself.  
"Jace." Magnus caught the eye of the shadowhunter in question, trying to ignore how bloodshot they appeared. "Go to my apothecary, the closest shelf, look for a vial of something labelled either '_febris_' or maybe '_caliditas_', one of the two. Hurry, please." 

With a sharp, almost robotic nod, the blonde hurried out of the room, and Isabelle looked for a moment as if she might follow him to help, but decided against it, concluding that one brother needed support more than the other. She would proved right in her verdict forthwith, as a loud snap reverberated through the room. It was accompanied by an agonized scream as Alec's wrist was twisted and broken for the second time. Magnus jumped back, letting go of his hand as to not hurt him. In quick succession, each of his ankles followed suit, pulling two strangled cries out from his blood stained lips.

"No." The Lightwood girl gasped, blinking tears away from her chestnut eyes. "It's the same bones, it's the same. Oh god- _Alec_. We healed him only for it to happen again, to put him through it again-"  
"If we did not, it may have been his neck breaking now instead. We have to keep healing him Isabelle, as much as it will hurt him it may well keep him alive." She nodded in response, taking her stele from her pocket with shaking hands, letting out a choked breath before activating his iratze.   
"I'm sorry, Alexander, forgive me." Magnus whispered, though the words would likely fall on deaf ears. Not daring to take the risk of holding the shadowhunter's hand again, he raised himself from his knees and onto the bed, moving up so he was perched on the edge of the pillows. Alec's head fell back against Magnus' torso, and the warlock felt just a touch of the tenseness leave his boyfriend's body when he ran his ringed fingers gently through his dark hair. 

It wasn't, however, anything resembling close to enough to spare Alec from the torment of the curse, as screams emerged from his lips like a plea, and it was all Magnus could do not to cry alongside him. Not a minute later, a now-familiar crack accompanied by a painful cry told them that the cycle had begun again. Placing a soft kiss to his damp forehead, the warlock drew his attention to the doorway, where Jace had appeared, hand clasped around a glass bottle stoppered with a cork. His anxious expression morphed into something a little closer to horror as he saw his parabatai's leg out of place. 

Running to the bedside, he forced the vial into Magnus' hand, taking the place the warlock had previously occupied kneeling on the floor. "This is going to keep happening isn't it?" Jace grated out, eyes flickering between Alec and the man holding him. Magnus pulled the stopper out of the bottle, steadying his boyfriend's head long enough to tip the contents into his mouth. Feeling the warmth of his skin fade slightly, he turned his head to face the blonde boy.  
"Yes." Was all he managed. There was nothing else to say. Any other words would have been lost to the sound of each of Alec's fingers breaking yet again in sequence and the subsequent screams. 

Isabelle didn't hesitate this time to yet again trace his healing rune with the tip of her stele. Her brother seemed to twist away from it, as if protesting the action, and if it was in doubt before they were now sure that Alec was completely aware of what they were doing and the continuous pain they were causing him. Magnus just hoped he understood why they were doing it.

Though he supposed, as much as it would pain him, he could live with Alec hating him, as long as the man was alive. It seemed a reasonable sacrifice. If, despite his best efforts, Alexander _did_ die from this curse, and he died loathing him for putting him through such unnecessary torture, well, Magnus didn't think he could handle that. '_I don't think my brother can stay mad at you for any meaningful period of time,_' Isabelle had told him at some point during this nightmare, '_he loves you far too much_'. She may have been right, but time was something that they very much did not have the luxury of having. 

Magnus had no doubt that Alec loved him, for a man who had seemed so closed off and withdrawn, he was so candid and forthright in expressing his affection. Perhaps it was down to how unversed the young shadowhunter was in romantic relations, leaving him untainted with falsehoods and coyness and the screen that many learned to put up. It could instead be that Alec had spent his life pretending to be someone he was not, and now that the barrier was down he would not engage in anything but the truth. Or maybe, Alec Lightwood was simply a sincere, honest man who saw no need to hide his devotion. Either way, it was refreshing, and somehow made Magnus love him even _more_, though arguably not possible. 

But love, as powerful as it was, could not save his life. In fact, it was pushing him to allow Alec to suffer longer for the slight possibly of being saved. Could he truly be forgiven for that? It was entirely possible Alexander would die hating what Magnus had done to him; forcing him to suffer, to have his soul torn apart and his body shattered into a thousand pieces to die all the same. 

No, he knew Alec. Perhaps better than anyone. The shadowhunter was many things, many _amazing_ things, but he was not the kind to condemn. Especially not the people he loved. 

And really, he wasn't to blame for any of this. It was the nameless warlock who cursed Alexander in the first place, the one who tortured him for three days and then decided it simply wasn't enough to let him live. Instead, she determined that she would sentence him to a long, drawn out and horrific death. Magnus, on the other hand, well, his intentions were pure, always, when it came to his boyfriend. Despite everything, being unable to fulfill his wish of dying with dignity, healing him over and over again just to keep him alive, the warlock was doing it because above all, he loved Alexander Lightwood with all his heart. Call him selfish, and maybe he was, but he had never, ever, wished any kind of harm upon Alec.

The sound of bones breaking had become eerily familiar, and Magnus didn't think he would ever be able to hear a comparable noise again without visibly flinching. This time, it was accompanied with the feeling of his hands dampening, and when he pulled them away from the sides of Alec's head, he could see his own palms sticky with deep red blood. Tearing back, Magnus let the shadowhunter fall back onto the pillows, and it was then that he could see where it was coming from, and the answer was _everywhere_. It was his ears pouring with blood that had found its way onto the warlock's hands, but his nose was also running red, eyes rolling back in their sockets as he coughed up mouthfuls of it.

His screams were muffled by it, changing into strangled chokes mixed with painful cries. The pillows he writhed upon darkened with spots of blood, and Magnus found himself on his feet, unsure of what to do. Isabelle looked at Jace, who appeared to be on the verge of throwing up, his complexion almost green. With a hard swallow, he gestured to her stele. "Amisso." The blonde muttered, and his sister nodded quickly and went to trace the rune.  
"Amisso?" Magnus was no stranger to angelic runes, but his memory was a little rusty when it came to the less common ones, especially in circumstances like this.  
"Slows blood loss. But it also promotes replenishment, which may prove an issue." Isabelle responded, bottom lip pinched between her teeth.  
"It could speed up the curse a little, but it would hardly matter if he bled out beforehand. Worry not, my dear." He grimaced, and if it wasn't for their amplification runes his words would have gone unheard. Alec's cries were horrifying.

Looking down at his hands, all Magnus could see was crimson, his palms were soaked in it, the blood of the man he loved. 

The metaphor, yet again, was not lost.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a choice is made and a turning point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I had half this chapter written before I published the previous one.
> 
> You guys are apparently psychic because you all started commenting about exactly what this chapter is referencing.
> 
> Well, I hope you got what you wanted.
> 
> A fair bit of Spanish in this chapter, so here are the translations:
> 
> Mamá, es malo - Mum, it's bad.  
Lo siento, lo siento mucho - I'm sorry, I'm so sorry  
Mi hija - My daughter/girl  
Mi dulce niño - My sweet boy  
Mi querida hija - My darling daughter
> 
> I also had to write Isabelle calling Maryse "mom" which absolutely disgusted me as a Brit but since they live in New York....
> 
> Final thing, I use the Somnus rune in this chapter, but I can't actually remember how long it works for so let's pretend I make the rules here.

Isabelle loved her eldest brother. 

He was the only thing in her life that had been constant. They had moved between Idris and New York, gone through training and trials, been in and out of wars; Jace had arrived when she was yet to get her angelic rune, Max had been born not too long after, but Alec, he had been there through all of it. She had never been without him, and though they were shadowhunters who were well aquainted with death and loss, losing him, her big brother, was something she had never allowed herself to entertain.

It was always _possible_, Isabelle knew that, she was not in denial of the fact, but the idea was pushed to the back of her mind. When Alec became Head of the Institute, it became harder to ignore, the threat more imminent. But they were soldiers, it was the life they lived. She supposed that if he did die, it would be from a demon attack, a little pain and then nothing, the way a shadowhunter should pass on. 

Not like this, never like this.

But because she was a soldier, she knew the honour in it. Shadowhunters protected the human world, fighting to save lives. But not their own. There was no honour, no dignity, in dying this way. And his soul, that was what would live on, not his body. Whether there was a heaven mattered not, his soul would rest with their ancestors. And Isabelle would be damned if she took that right away from him because she was too selfish to let him go. 

Moreover, no one, especially not Alec, her sweet, brave, strong big brother, deserved to suffer this way. His death would be a mercy.

That was the reason she pulled out her stele, and instead of drawing the iratze they expected her to, she traced the shape on the Somnus rune, and watched as Alec stilled forthwith. Jace looked at her, confused, though a touch of relief was clear in his eyes.  
"It won't hold him for long, especially with the curse. I just had to- I didn't want him to hear."  
"Hear what? Iz, what are you doing?" The blonde looked between his siblings, then up at Magnus, who had cleansed his hands of blood but was flicking his eyes to them, staring as if they were still stained.   
"What we've been trying to ignore all along. I can't stand by and let this happen anymore."

They both knew what she meant, and it was then that the warlock dropped his hands down to his sides and looked her straight in the eye. Magnus didn't speak, he didn't think he could find the words, let alone speak them aloud. It was Jace who climbed to his feet, face reflecting something between anger and trepidation.   
"Iz, we can't. No, no way."  
"Look at him Jace! Look at our brother." She cried, hands flung towards Alec. "He is in _agony_, and he asked us, no, begged us to end it. To kill him. And I will not deny him of this anymore."

She rounded the bed, eyes wide and bloodshot, but trying desperately to keep some semblance of composure. Gripping the fabric of where Jace's shirt curved around his shoulders, she was aware of the slight tremble of her bottom lip, but it was to be forgiven. "We are warriors, Jace, soldiers. Our job is not to protect our own, but others. We must do what is right. Alec is dying, and there is no cure. Either we do this now, or Alec dies anyway, and his soul is torn into pieces and his body destroyed and he deserves better than that."

If Jace wanted to respond, the words were lost. All he knew was that Isabelle was right, but he dared not say it. His words would betray his actions, and Jace had never been good at saying how he felt.

It was Magnus who spoke, somehow unable to even glance in the direction of his lover, whether it be out of guilt or something else. His voice was monotone, lacking in its usual richness and flair, bar the fragments of heartbreak that bled through the cracks. "Isabelle is right, isn't she? Look at us, look how selfish we've been. I've been telling myself that Catarina is going to portal in with a cure in hand and fix this. But I've known, I've known since I saw his arms in his office. There is no fixing this. I- I didn't want to believe that I would lose him. And because of that, I've allowed him to suffer. _What are we doing?_"

"We were being hopeful." Isabelle smiled ruefully, letting herself fall to sit at the end of the bed. "What else were we supposed to do, give up? Accept that Alec was going to die? We all love him, it was never going to be that simple. But now, I think there's only one choice we can make. The right one, for Alec. We owe him that much for everything we put him through."  
"We didn't put him through that Iz, that psycho warlock did!" Jace was fighting a losing battle against tears, and clearly against himself, because he was no longer arguing against them.   
"I know. But we have the power to stop it."   
"At the expense of Alec's life." Magnus whispered, and Isabelle couldn't do anything else but give a small nod.

Jace let out a noise out of something between frustration and anguish, one hand cradling his parabatai rune, the other running over his face. They were expecting him to argue further, to plead for his brother's life, and in truth, Jace half expected himself to as well. But though he was many things, he was not a fool. Above all, he was a shadowhunter, and he knew what it meant to do what needed to be done. And an honourable death, or as close as they could get considering what Alec had already gone through, was all they could give him right now.

"Okay." He croaked, eyes flitting everywhere but towards Alec, "Okay. How are we going to do this?"

Isabelle hadn't gotten that far. She hadn't been particularly inclined to think up a list of ways to take her brother's life. There wasn't a shadowhunter she could think of who hadn't killed a demon, but a human? The list became significantly shorter. She had taken a life before, more than one, Circle members, most poignantly, and had also participated in the takedown of Jonathan Morgenstern, but they had been inherently and inarguably wicked. The act of killing them was to ensure the safety of the general population, and her fellow shadowhunters. 

Something Isabelle wasn't sure she was prepared for was taking the life of an innocent. Her brother, no less. A man who had dedicated himself to fighting for equality and justice, who was so incontestably and honestly _good_. His name did not belong among the others, the traitors and the murderers whose deaths were - to an extent, Isabelle was never one to kill when she could rightfully arrest - necessary. 

"I don't know." She confessed, looking up at Magnus, who had his face hidden by his hands. The warlock looked exhausted, and Isabelle was sure he hadn't slept while they had been here. When his arms dropped to his side, his freshly applied eyeliner was smudged and his eyes were glassy.   
"I'm sure you're well aware there are many ways to kill someone." Magnus had still not looked towards Alec, but had managed to wave his hand to clear the blood from his pillows and sheets, the thought of it too nauseating to remain. "Humanely, on the other hand... I can stop his heart. Not with magic, of course, but I have a potion that slows the heart rate, it's generally used as a relaxant or for conditions like tachycardia, but if I give him a concentrated dose-"  
"It'll kill him." Isabelle finished, aware of the taste of blood on her tongue from the piercing of teeth on her lips. "And he won't feel any pain?"   
"No. Not from that." Of course, there was no preventing the curse from hurting him, but they in no way wanted Alec's end to be comparable to that.

She nodded, before freezing slightly. Maryse. Their mother. Guilt flared in her gut, how could she have forgotten?

Max was in Idris, none the wiser to what was happening in New York. It was for the best. And their father, well he knew. But he was confined to the Los Angeles Institute, and he had not exactly been there for the family. Still, Robert was Alec's father, and Isabelle knew that he cared, of course he cared. 

"Mom." She whispered. "We need to call mom." Jace nodded loosely, eyes blank and misty, like he wasn't quite lucid, swallowing thickly before reaching clumsily to his pocket, fumbling for his phone. "No." Isabelle grimaced, "It's okay, don't worry. I- I'll do it. Please stay with him, in case he wakes up, Magnus, can you find what you were talking about?" The warlock shook his head yes, not trusting himself to speak, and let his fingertips sweep the back of Alec's hand tenderly, just a touch, perhaps a brief sense of comfort, before fleeing the room. 

Isabelle watched Jace fall onto the bed, sat beside his brother curled in on himself, hunched, and she was sure she had never seen him so defeated. Not being able to bear seeing either of brothers in such a way, she turned away, taking her phone into her hands and shakily dialing her mother. Finding herself next to the couch in Magnus' front room, she sank onto it, listening to the sound of ringing. Then Maryse's voice carried into her ear.

"Isabelle? Is everything okay? Alec-"  
"Hi mom, it's- erm, no, I-" She let out a muffled sob. "Mamá, es malo. Lo siento, lo siento mucho."  
"Oh, mi hija. Please, what's happened?"   
"Alec, he's worse. So much worse. And he's suffering, mamá, I can't explain how badly. You have to understand, I don't want- we don't want to do this, but we have to, for Alec-"  
"Isabelle. What are you going to do?"

She didn't answer for a few moments, desperately trying to find the words - any words - to tell her mother what they were about to do. In truth, Isabelle was aware she would understand, truly, Maryse was raised a shadowhunter, and of course as a mother she would not want to put her son through any unnecessary pain, but how did one tell someone they were about to lose their child? 

"Isabelle? Please tell me." Maryse tried again, and something in her voice told the caller that she already knew.   
"He has a few hours, mom. A few hours of insufferable agony. And we don't think Catarina is going to find a cure. He asked before, he asked Magnus to kill him, rather than the curse destroying his soul, which it will. And we didn't, because we didn't want to lose him. But now, like I said, it's bad. So,"  
"So you're doing it. Oh my darling, I'm so sorry. I-" It was clear that she was crying, the irregularity of her breathing, the stutter in her words. "Mi dulce niño." The phone went silent for a few moments, as if she had pulled the phone from her ear. 

The young shadowhunter could hear Magnus leave the apothecary, and as their eyes met her mother spoke again. "I need to be there. Can Magnus make me a portal?"  
"Yes. I'll see you in a minute mom."

With that, she hung up, quickly getting to her feet and smoothing her skirt, well aware of how she must look. The warlock was stood still, watching her, waiting for her to say something. He had been crying, Isabelle was certain of it, but she felt numb to the fact. They had all shed their fair share of tears. "A portal. For my mom. Can you?" It took a moment for him to register what she had said, blinking repeatedly, before clearing his throat.  
"Of course." 

Maryse was in the loft almost immediately, and yet again Isabelle did not even blink at the sight of her mother's red face. It was not in cruelty, it was acclimation. Perhaps it was for the better.   
"Mi querida hija." She breathed, pulling her daughter into her arms for a few moments. When she withdrew, Magnus was gone, and the bedroom door ajar, indicating he had joined Jace. Taking hold of each others' hands, the Lightwood women followed suit.

Two glass vials stood on the nightstand, their bottoms black as if held over fire. Magnus was close to Alec, cleaning the blood off of the shadowhunter's face with a cloth, his hands quivering uncontrollably. When he was somewhat satisfied, the warlock placed with rag back into the bowl of water that accompanied it, and Isabelle found herself in morbid fascination at the marble of red that stretched across the clear liquid as the fabric sunk. Looking towards the younger of her two present brothers, she found their mother pressing a kiss to his blonde hair, and then walking around the bed to hold her eldest son's cheek in the palm of her hand. As if to give them a modicum of privacy Isabelle closed her eyes, hugging her arms around herself. She knew full well they were all wasting already borrowed time. 

"Magnus? Is that- are they what we need?" She gestured to the bottles beside the bed, causing the warlock to look up at her.   
"Yes. I reduced several doses and combined them into this. It should be strong enough, if he takes both-"

He was cut off by a trail of fire heading towards him, finding itself clasped in his hand. The parchment, with its charred edges, was written upon, and there was only one person who it could be from.

  
_Magnus, _

_I think I have a way but I need a few hours._

_Cat._


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> panic and a new plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you miss me?
> 
> No? Okay.
> 
> I didn't forget to write, I genuinely took two months to write this because I had so little inspo.
> 
> TW // PANIC ATTACK
> 
> \+ very very brief mention of addiction

Magnus stared at the parchment in his hand, reading and rereading its contents over and over again until he knew them by heart. The words, however, did not change, the curve of Catarina's writing still looped into the same letters. 

This was good news, no, _incredible_ news, because they had been so sure there was no cure, but it was somewhat muted by the knowledge that Alec would have to endure the worst of the curse in order to potentially survive. Would Alec want to take that risk? It wasn't as though he could give a coherent answer, and it was entirely possible that whatever Catarina had planned would be unsuccessful and they would be subjecting him further to unspeakable torture only for him to die.

Time was the one thing Cat had implored them for, and it may well be the only thing they could not give her. Alec was on death's door, and it wouldn't be long before his soul was torn to shreds and there was no way of curing him. He would be a body, not a person. A few hours could be negotiable, but they would certainly be cutting it fine. That, or Magnus would have to do some creative timekeeping and find some way to keep his boyfriend's soul intact a little longer. 

"Magnus?" Isabelle's voice caused him to look up, finally, from the paper. Her eyes were wide, curious, their rich brown glassy. "Magnus, what does it say?" 

He blinked, wondering for a moment how long he had been looking down at the note his friend had sent. Before he had a moment to reach a conclusion or offer the parchment to one of the Lightwoods opposite him, their attention was stolen by a jerk of movement. The somnus rune was not a long-term solution, even in usual circumstances, but with the curse fighting its way through Alec's body it was never going to keep him asleep for any measure of time. 

The shadowhunter was suddenly awake, sheened in sweat and eyes frightened, searching for something, perhaps that he recognised or to bring him comfort. Dropping the fire message to the floor, Magnus let his knees fall onto mattress, watching Alec's chest rise and fall shakily, but too fast, far too fast. There were many emotions Magnus had observed so carefully in the hazel eyes; joy, sorrow, worry, lust, love, exhaustion, sometimes even anger; but he had never seen the pure terror that stared back at him before. 

Flicking his wrist to send the paper from the floor towards Isabelle, the warlock steadied Alec's head, cupping his face with ringed hands, forcing the man to look at him. After a few moments of struggled breaths, petrified eyes finally shone with recognition, but he still wasn't calming down, not that Magnus blamed him. Alec had had panic attacks before, not very often, granted, but enough that he knew how to help him, calm him, but this was different. It was more complicated than that. 

Perhaps it was the combination of trepidation and the torture he was being subjected to, but Alec was breathing at a rate so accelerated that he was surely not getting enough oxygen, and that was not taking into account what the curse was doing to his lungs. It was not long before, a day or two, if days even existed anymore, that Magnus had witnessed the man's strained breaths, his hazel eyes pooled with tears as he curled in on himself. It was an image the warlock wanted so desperately to erase from his mind. But he had a long memory, and that in particular was not something he would find himself forgetting.

Magnus may not be able to fix Alec with his magic, but the one thing he had was his boyfriend's trust. Not only that, but he understood the way Alec reacted, responded, how best to communicate with him, because the warlock knew that, likely due to the years of repression the man had suffered, he often struggled to express how he truly felt. And yes, Alec was blunt and candid when it came to declaring his love, but that didn't generally extend to the less pleasant emotions he felt. 

This had been proved on several occasions, this entire scenario was a shining example of the fact. But Magnus knew that, he knew Alec, and that was why he could, finally, prove himself useful. 

"Alexander." He whispered, forcing himself not to close his eyes when the shadowhunter cried out in pain, "Alec, focus on me, okay? Nothing else, just my voice. I know it hurts. You need to breathe, darling. We can do it together, okay?" Magnus wasn't sure he was going to get a response out of the man, who despite looking at him seemed completely lost in the pain both in his lungs and his body as a whole. But one of the many things the warlock had learned about Alec over the course of their relationship was that his boyfriend would surprise him, time and time again. 

This was certainly no exception, because Alec's head tilted down ever so slightly, a movement so small that if Magnus didn't know the man so well he wouldn't have noticed. It was a nod, nonetheless, and he would take it.   
"Okay, do you remember how we calm your breathing? We're going to do that now." Glancing up at the other occupants of the room, he could see Jace now reading the message from Catarina, his face displaying tentative relief. Isabelle had her arms wrapped around herself, seeming somewhat smaller. The air of confidence she always exuded was lacking, and Magnus wondered if he would appear the same. 

"Breathe in for five. One, two, three, four, five. And breathe out. One, two, three, four, five. That's great. And again."

Though his breaths sounded wheezed and painful, oxygen was flowing, and at this point that was the best case scenario. Magnus counted to five again, then again, until the look in the shadowhunter's eyes was softer, and his chest was rising slower, but heavier. "There you go. That's it." He pressed a kiss to the back of Alec's hand, then straightened up, and found the two siblings looking at him with an expression he couldn't quite read. Then, as if they understood his confusion, Isabelle turned up the corners of her mouth into a sad smile. It was sentiment, he presumed, the warmth of seeing Magnus be able to calm their brother like that. 

His eyes then fell to the parchment grasped in Jace's fist, and as Alec sunk down into the pillows, his head lulling back, the warlock beckoned them outside with a single finger, sparing a gentle look towards his boyfriend. "Just a moment." He breathed, though the shadowhunter didn't seem lucid, and turned on his heel to follow his friends from the room. 

Isabelle was perched on the arm of the couch, eyes filled with intensity, and Jace was pacing, a commonplace Magnus had become accustomed to in the recent days. He stopped abruptly upon seeing his parabatai's partner, holding the fire message towards him.   
"What do we do?" Was all the blonde said, and though it sounded harsh, the warlock understood why Alec was the leader and Jace was the warrior. Sure, Jace was certainly opinionated, but that really only applied to reckless missions or his love life, not anything with large implications. That was where he would turn to his parabatai's instructions, and _hopefully_ listen. 

There was a cry from the bedroom, and they all turned, but didn't move. It wasn't out of disregard, but simply prioritisation. They needed to discuss this, and Alec had been in pain for the past few days. Besides, it wasn't as though they could do anything for him. 

"Magnus, from a purely logistical standpoint can we give Cat the time she needs?" Isabelle enquired, folding her arms across her chest.   
"I don't know." He fiddled with his rings, a nervous gesture, and chewed, rather unbecomingly he noted, on his bottom lip. "It really depends on how long she takes. The difference between two hours and three hours could be huge. If we decide to entertain this per say, we can make the extra effort to keep him breathing, his soul intact. But there will get to a point where there is nothing we can do."  
"So what do we do? We can hardly ask Alec, he can't give us an answer. Plus, he's blindsided by the pain. And we already know what his answer would be, even if it isn't the best from an unbiased standpoint." Her voice was a pitch too high, and it made Magnus want to shiver. He had never seen her lacking composure, excluding his experiences with her during her Yin Fen addiction. 

There was a piercing silence, until a sob of pain echoed through the room. Jace made a noise, and sunk into the sofa, encasing his head in his arms. After a few moments, he sat up, eyes bloodshot, and looked straight at Magnus. "We have a potential cure. We didn't think we were going to get that, so we can't waste this chance. Alec might live. I won't lose him. I know you don't want to lose him either. I told you once, that I wouldn't let anyone hurt him. You said we had that in common. So save him. And then we'll get that warlock and make her pay." 

_Magnus couldn't help but agree. _

It seemed Isabelle had no arguments either, as she nodded quickly and got to her feet, not looking back as she crossed the room and re-entered the bedroom, clearly wanting to be close to her brother again.

Tasting the metallic tang of blood on his tongue, Magnus swiped his lip where his teeth had sunk deep enough to bleed and followed her, hearing the clunk of Jace's boots behind him. When the bed came into view, he could see Alexander withering horrifically, his sister holding his arm but helpless to do much more.

"Iz!" He cried, and she sobbed a little at that.  
"I'm here big brother, I'm not leaving."  
"Please, please," a tear hit the pillow from his hazel eyes, "_please_ Izzy."   
She shook her head firmly, water droplets hanging off her chin, and if Magnus' heart was still intact it would had shattered.  
"You're going to live, Alec. I'm going to help you the same way you've always helped me. The way you helped me when I was in withdrawal, or when I was scared of thunder when I was little. I'm going to repay all you've given me, I swear to you."

If he wasn't in agony, the warlock swore Alec would be smiling, and maybe he was, behind the tears. But before he could try to respond, he went limp, completely still except the troubled rise and fall of his chest.

Something in his head clicked at that, his boyfriend unconscious, and Magnus knew how he was going to keep Alec's soul alive.

"I think I have an idea. But you'll need to go into Alexander's head." 


End file.
